Yes, that's right. We're doing TWO chapters today, because chapter four is only a few pages long. Let's get to it.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
It has been four days since Christian and Ana had their awkward sort-of-but-not-really-half-date, and we begin with a Christian Grey nightmare. He wakes up in a cold sweat after dreaming whatever it is that someone like him is afraid of.
"Sitting up, I put my head in my hands as I try to calm my escalated heart rate and erratic breathing. It's been the same for the last four nights. Glancing at the clock, I see it's 3:00 a.m."
Now, instead of maybe getting some water and simply going back to bed the way you or I might, reality smacks Christian across the face and he's lost in consuming thoughts of meetings and golf. Life is so hard. As he's getting himself together, his thoughts inevitably drift to the events of last Sunday.
"... [I] catch sight of myself, dressed only in pajama pants, reflected in the glass wall on the other side of the room. I turn away in disgust.
You turned her down.
She wanted you.
And you turned her down.
It was for her own good."
Oh, this is why Ana was mad in the last chapter. Right. Don't worry Christian, I'm sure this is going to be resolved in the next few pages. It'll only hurt for a little while.
**I think it's worth noting that the pacing of this book is almost identical to Fifty Shades of Grey. So those of you (like me) who were hoping that maybe this would be a one-off, encompassing the whole story... do not get your hopes up.**
Anyway, back to Christian's angst.
He's lying in bed, not sleeping, and cursing at the news for daring to mention that a rare Jane Austen manuscript is being auctioned in London - I mean, really, where is their compassion? This man is hurting and as he so eloquently put it:
"Even the news reminds [him] of Little Miss Bookworm." (It's like Little Miss Sunshine, but not.)
His solution to make things better is obviously to gift her extremely expensive first editions of Thomas Hardy novels ("Hardy had a dark, twisted soul. Like me.").
He apparently needs to know when she's done with school in order to mail these books to her though (honestly who the hell puts books worth thousands of dollars in the mail?????) , so he gets the same dude who did Ana's background check to find out when her last final exam is. It's tomorrow, by the way. In what may be the most uneventful 5 pages this book has seen so far, chapter 4 ends with Christian sending the books to Ana with a quote which is supposed to act as a warning(?????), telling her to stay away from him. Which she was already doing, but what do I know?
Friday, May 20, 2011
After a refreshing night's sleep, Christian is thinking clearly and is back to his old self. So naturally, when his brother, Elliot, calls asking that the two of them get out of Seattle for a couple days, Christian suggests "hiking" in Portland. Elliot and Christian have quite a lot in common, actually.
As James puts it:
"Working and fucking: that's Elliot's raison d'etre." This could also be said of Christian, but he's deeper than that. More in touch with his emotions. There's more to him than just work and sex... you know what, forget it.
The car ride must have been torture for them because the conversation was painful to read. James truly excels at capturing the most mundane details of her characters and then focusing on them for pages on end.
They end up not going hiking, but instead go mountain biking.
"By the end of the ride we're both filthy and exhausted.
'That was the most fun I've had with my clothes on in a while,' Elliot says as we hand the bikes over to the bellboy at The Heathman.
'Yeah,' I mutter, and then recall holding Anastasia when I saved her from the cyclist. Her warmth, her breasts pressed against me, her scent invading my senses. (Ugh).
I had my clothes on then... 'Yeah,' I murmur again."
As they're checking their phones, Elliot comments on how often a woman has been trying to contact him - and then apparently completely forgets literally everything they teach you in sex-ed.
Christian: "Maybe she's pregnant."
Elliot: "Not funny, hotshot. Besides, I haven't known her that long. Or that often."
IT ONLY TAKES ONE TIME GUYS! Remember Mean Girls??
If you saw the Fifty Shades movie, you'll have noticed that the only authentic moment for Ana is when she drunk dials Christian. She's pissed (rightfully so) that he chose to send her a ridiculously extravagant gift just days after he completely rejected her. She's celebrating the end of finals with Kate and Jose and I don't know who else, and like literally every person who has ever finished the last final exam of their college career, she's out to get trashed. So in her anger, she drunk dials Christian and he is less than thrilled.
"'Which bar?' Tell me. Anxiety blooms in my gut. She's a young woman, drunk, somewhere in Portland. She's not safe."
In his anxiety ridden state, he chooses to track her phone, WHICH HE KNOWS IS ILLEGAL, in order to find out where she is.
"But what I want is not strictly legal."
"I know this is outside the law, but she could be getting herself into trouble." -- am I supposed to swoon here? am I supposed to think it's romantic that he has no qualms about invading her privacy aside from the fact that it's against the law? am I? because this is not cute, this is not romantic. this is fucking scary.
He bursts into the bar, asks Kate where Ana is, and after learning that she went outside, picks up her scent like a fucking bloodhound and goes to find her. He finds a door that leads outside.
"Ironically, it leads to the parking lot where Elliot and I have just been." -- this is not irony.
He finds her trying to fight off her weird friend who wants to kiss her even though she most definitely does not want to kiss him (consent? what's consent?), and is furious because 'excuse me, but the only person who can violate her lack of consent is ME'.
Ana apologizes for being drunk and drunk dialing and throwing up everywhere (which doesn't make sense what does she have to apologize for literally none of this bullshit would have happened if you hadn't been a creep about everything), but apparently, Christian cannot choose to be a decent human being in this moment.
"'We've all been here, perhaps not quite as dramatically as you.' Why is it such fun to tease this young woman?"
Because, Christian.
After all, only a total douche would think that a 22 year old who is drunk at a bar at the end of her undergraduate career has an actual drinking problem, especially since she's been super sober for the last 60 pages.
"Perhaps she has a problem with alcohol. The thought is worrying, and I consider whether I should call my mother for a referral to a detox clinic."
Shut up, Christian.
Since Ana is drunk, she grabs onto Christian's arm to steady herself. Christian freaks out because I don't know why, but soon, her voice soothes his fear of her tiny hand around his bicep.
"She's oil on my troubled, deep, dark waters."
Christian.
He takes Ana back to his hotel, justifying this because her apartment is too far of a drive from the bar. She's gross, obviously, from having thrown up all over herself, so he undresses her in the creepiest way possible.
"Then I unzip her jeans and pull them off, check the pockets before stuffing the jeans in the laundry bag. She falls back on the bed, splayed out like a starfish, all pale arms and legs, and for a moment I picture those legs wrapped around my waist as her wrists are bound to my Saint Andrew's cross."
Having one predatory moment over, Christian texts Elliot to tell him that Ana has been brought back to the hotel and is with him - just in time for another predatory moment.
"I text Elliot.
Ana is with me.
If you're still with Kate, tell her.
He texts by return.
Will do.
Hope you get laid.
You soooo need it. ;)
His response makes me snort.
I so do, Elliot. I so do."
SHE IS UNCONSCIOUS
The chapter ends here, leaving the reader uncomfortable and dreading what comes next. I don't really know how to end this, but I have a feeling that as the book goes on, I'm going to start apologizing more and more.
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