It's been a whole twelve hours since Christian purchased Ana a sickeningly expensive laptop (because she's a senior in college and has managed to go her entire education without a computer of her own) and had an email account set up for her. All without getting her permission or even bothering to inform her. He sent her an email at the end of the last chapter and told her that he was looking forward to dinner on Wednesday and that he hopes she puts the laptop to good use with her research.
At 8:20 that morning, Christian receives an email from Ana, irritated that he would buy a computer for her. Unfortunately for her, she addresses him as "Sir," so any actual substance the email had was lost on Christian, who becomes enraptured with her word choice.
"'Sir' with a capital S; the girl has been reading, and possibly researching. And she's still talking to me. I grin stupidly at the e-mail. This is good news. Though she is also telling me that she doesn't want the computer.
Well, that's frustrating.
I shake my head, amused."
He informs her in a response that the computer is on loan indefinitely, and her reply is befuddling.
"I have many questions, but not suitable for e-mail, and some of us have to work for a living.
I do not want or need a computer indefinitely..." -- it continues, but what I'm really trying to get at here is that a 22 year old college student seems to think that in the year of our Lord 2011, she will be able to do literally anything required of her without a computer. Ana must be incredibly special, to never have to check her bank account. Or apply for jobs. Or look up directions. And yes, I am fully aware that all of those things are possible without a computer - except for, in many cases, applying for jobs - but as Ana couldn't remember to bring a pen to her interview with Christian, you'll forgive me for doubting her ability to navigate a checkbook or read a map.
Additionally, Ana has said before that she uses the computers at her school's library to do her research and shit but eventually, even Ana has to graduate. And then, she'll be left at the mercy of public library computers. I don't know about you, but if I need directions somewhere, I'm not really in the habit of driving out of my way to go get them. And for those of you curious about why I don't suggest she use her phone for all of this,
this is why.
After an obnoxious amount of pointless emails - the more obnoxious version of "no you hang up" "no you hang up" - Christian gets ready to go for a run. But first, he has to send a very important email to Ana that could absolutely never be misconstrued to seem like he cares about her more than he actually does.
"Dear Miss Steele,
I do hope you had a good day at work." -- okay I know it's not steamy and romantic or anything like that but consider for a second the way this comes across to a girl who has never had a boyfriend or any real romantic connection at all. I'm thinking about you. I care about how your day went. I want to make sure you know you're on my mind. If you don't want her to think this is a relationship, Christian, stop acting like you're pursuing one.
As the email conversation continues, Ana remarks that she isn't quite sure how to start her research - something I assume EL James can relate to. She emails Christian, inquiring as to where she should begin, and he responds with:
"Miss Steele,
Always start with Wikipedia."
Now, I'm going to ignore the fact that a girl who has managed to make it through nearly 4 years of college has no idea how to begin researching a subject. What just tickles me here is that Christian tells her to start with Wikipedia. I'm gonna go off on a quick tangent and tell you guys a story. When I was first reading Fifty Shades of Grey, during one of the abundant sex scenes, Christian mentioned something called a "spreader bar." I had no idea what that was, so I took to Google. Obviously, the first link to come up was for Wikipedia, so I opened it and started educating myself on much more than spreader bars. As it turns out, entire descriptions that James included in her books come straight from the Wikipedia page I ended up on. So, here, Christian's suggestion is apt. Yes, Ana. Start with Wikipedia. That's what our author would do.
I see what you did there.
Eventually Ana has done enough research to send Christian this very cryptic email.
"Okay, I've seen enough.
It was nice knowing you."
This sounds like a no, right? Like, 'ehhhh, I did your research and I'm not into what I saw so thanks for the crazy sex but this is not for me bye'? That's what I get out of it, and apparently, Christian comes to the same - albeit, more bewildering - conclusion.
"Shit!
I read it again.
Fuck.
It's a "no." I stare at the screen in disbelief.
....
I pull my laptop toward me to write a reply.
But as I stare at the screen, my fingers hover over the keys, I can't think of what to say.
How could she dismiss me so easily?
Her first fuck." -- but Christian, I thought this wasn't a relationship. I thought this was just sex. I thought tHERE WAS NO EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT WHICH SHOULD THEREFORE MAKE IT MORE THAN EASY TO FOR HER TO JUST CAST YOU ASIDE BECAUSE IT WAS JUST SEX RIGHT???? RIGHT???????? YOU DO NOT GET TO LAY DOWN THE TERMS OF A RELATIONSHIP AND THEN GET ANGRY WHEN SOMEONE FOLLOWS THEM.
Instead of responding via email, Christian decides to go to her apartment. Obviously.
"Maybe I should pay her a visit, just to make sure it's a "no." Maybe I can persuade her otherwise." -- who else remembers page 87 when Christian said "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You know that, don't you?" or just 4 pages later on page 91, when he says "You can leave anytime." Anyone? This poor girl never stood a fucking chance. It's pretty hard to say no to someone who can (and is more than willing to) use your age and lack of experience to manipulate you into saying yes.
"Yep. I rub my chin as I formulate a plan, and moments later I'm in my closet, retrieving my tie.
That tie.
This deal isn't dead yet. From my messenger bag I take some condoms and slide them into the back pocket of my pants, then grab my jacket and a bottle of white wine from the minibar." -- SHE. SAID. NO. And even though we're about to find out in a few pages that she was just playing around, for all intents and purposes, right now, the answer is NO. And instead of being a normal person and respecting her decision and leaving her the fuck alone, he plans to drive to her apartment, unannounced, and what? Fuck her into submission?
Dumbledore has had it with your shit, Christian.
And, as you can all probably guess, this is exactly what happens. Christian show's up at Ana's apartment and has her undressed in minutes.
"Well, I thought I should come and remind you how nice it was knowing me."
Ugh.
Christian shows her how nice it was knowing him, but then starts bringing up his ex-"girlfriends, slave, sub, whatever you call them," which we all know isn't going to go over well. Ana is clearly uncomfortable - sorry, Christian, but you can't just be like "yeah I can put you in touch with an old sub of mine if you want to talk to someone about this lifestyle" while also acting like you have romantic feelings for her and expect her to not be bothered by that - and naturally, Christian doesn't understand. So, in perhaps the only moment in the entire series that I've ever been proud of Anastasia Steele, she kicks him out. Tells him to leave. Finally puts on her big girl panties and takes control of her own life and the people in it. This only lasts for about 4 sentences, but please just let me have it.
In the car, Christian reflects on the evening's events.
"But I want her. I need her to sign.
Is it just the chase? Is that what's turning me on? Or is it her?
Fuck, I don't know. But I hope to find out more on Wednesday. And on a positive note, that was one hell of a nice way to spend an evening. I smirk in the rearview mirror and pull into the garage at the hotel." -- we get it. her email was the first time you've ever heard the word 'nice' and now you can't stop saying it.
He fires off one last email to Ana, expressing his anticipation for their totally-not-a-date-dinner on Wednesday, and starts catching up on work.
The next chapter contains excerpts of the contract and Ana's issues with them, so I'm sure that will be just as enjoyable to read as this chapter was. This book is quickly losing it's ability to be laughingly clumsy and is instead becoming a huge source of irritation - hence the ratio reversal of reaction gifs to angry rants. Sorry, but I can't help it.
Chapter 8 "baby" count: 4
Total "baby" count: 42
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