"Christian opens the passenger-side door to the black Audi SUV, and I clamber in. It's a beast of a car. He hasn't mentioned the outburst of passion that exploded in the elevator. Should I? Should we talk about it or pretend that it didn't happen? It hardly seems real, my first proper no-holds-barred kiss. As time ticks on, I assign it mythical, Arthurian legend, Lost City of Atlantis status. It never happened, it never existed. Perhaps I imagined it all. No. I touch my lips, swollen from his kiss. It definitely happened. I am a changed woman."
Christian turns on some music - "The Flower Duet" by Delibes - and Ana is extremely impressed. I don't know why. It's not like Christian is playing the music himself. She asks if he likes classical music and he explains that his taste is very eclectic ("Everything from Thomas Tallis to the Kings of Leon"). Ana doesn't know who Thomas Tallis is, but Christian says he'll play it for her sometime. He's a sixteenth century British composer who wrote Tudor church music. I'm pretty sure there's a sensory deprivation sex scene later where he plays some of his stuff into headphones that Ana is wearing. Are you guys bored yet?
They arrive at Ana's duplex (honestly I always thought she lived in an apartment???? Oh. MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE ON PAGE 66 CHRISTIAN SAYS "I didn't want to risk the leather upholstery in my car taking you all the way to your APARTMENT." AND THEN. RIGHT ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING PAGE. NOT EVEN 6 SENTENCES BEFORE "HE PULLS UP OUTSIDE MY DUPLEX" IS THE SENTENCE "WE'RE ALMOST AT MY APARTMENT." LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK. GODDAMMIT ELJ STOP THIS MADNESS).
I know, there's no lamb sauce. But you totally relate to this gif. Don't lie.
Christian drops Ana off at her duplex/apartment and Kate is there with Elliot. After Christian and Elliot leave, Kate wants to hear all about the previous night's events.
"'So, did you?' Kate asks as we watch them climb into the car and drive off, the burning curiosity evident in her voice.
'No,' I snap irritably, hoping that will halt the questions. We head back into the apartment." -- LITERALLY WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU LIVE
"'Christian is taking me to Seattle this evening.'
'Seattle?'
'Yes.'
'Maybe you will then?'
'Oh, I hope so.'
'You like him, then?'
'Yes.'
'Like him enough to . . . ?'
'Yes.'
She raises her eyebrows.
'Wow. Ana Steele, finally falling for a man, and it's Christian Grey - hot, sexy billionaire.'
'Oh yeah - it's all about the money.' I smirk, and we both fall into a fit of giggles." -- none of this was even kind of funny. what have these boys done to you?
Ana's shift at the hardware store drags on, and since it's mindless work, she's able to think too much.
"And on top of all the angst, I can barely contain my excitement or my nerves. Tonight's the night! After all this time, am I ready for this? My inner goddess glares at me, tapping her small foot impatiently. She's been ready for this for years, and she's ready for anything with Christian Grey, but I still don't understand what he sees in me . . . mousey Ana Steele - it makes no sense." -- No, Ana. What makes no sense is that ELJ has written a character who can't even say the word "sex" without wanting to melt into the ground and is going to have her sign a non-disclosure contract (among other non-legally binding paperwork) before engaging in sexual experiences that she is absolutely not ready for based on the aforementioned fact that she CANNOT SAY SEX WITHOUT MUSTERING ALL HER COURAGE AND BLUSHING ABOUT IT LIKE A FIFTH GRADER
Ana exits Clatyon's and Christian is already waiting. She attributes it to his incredible punctuality, but we all know that's not what happened, because, again, I BLOGGED IT.
See?
So, as it says in the image above, Taylor brings them to a helipad and Christian proceeds to be weird.
"I hold my breath as he pulls at one of the upper straps.
'You're secure, no escaping,' he whispers. 'Breathe, Anastasia,' he adds softly. Reaching up, he caresses my cheek, running his long fingers down to my chin, which he grasps between his thumb and forefinger." -- okay, I'm calling it. there has officially been more than 7 references to Christian's weirdly long fingers and I don't like it. Unfortunately it's not going to get any better.
"It's pitch-black, not even the moon to shed any light on our journey. How can he see where we're going?
'Eerie, isn't it?' Christian's voice is in my ears.
'How do you know you're going the right way?'
'Here.' He points his long index finger at one of the gauges, and it shows an electronic compass." -- UNNECESSARY
As they're flying, Ana gets distracted by Christian's beauty.
"He has a beautiful profile. Straight nose, square jawed - I'd like to run my tongue along his jaw. He hasn't shaved, and his stubble makes the prospect doubly tempting. Hmm . . . I'd like to feel how rough it is beneath my tongue, my fingers, against my face." -- Please don't lick his face. You're not a cat.
She asks how long the flight is, because she's having a hard time keeping it in her pants, and Christian tells her it'll be less than an hour.
"I have less than an hour before the big reveal. All the muscles clench deep in my belly. I have a serious case of butterflies. They are flourishing in my stomach. Holy shit, what has he got in store for me?" -- nothing until you sign that NDA, remember? paperwork, Ana. paperwork.
After an agonizing helicopter ride, they finally arrive at Christian's apartment. Before Christian lets Ana out of the helicopter, he makes sure to tell her that she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't have to do. Which is crap, but fine.
"'You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You know that, don't you?' His tone is so earnest, desperate even, his eyes impassioned. He takes me by surprise.
'I'd never do anything I didn't want to do, Christian.' And as I say the words, I don't quite feel their conviction..." -- oh, no? is that because you've been doing shit you don't want to do literally the entire time we've been reading this book? Like on page 50 when you "peer unwillingly up at him"? Or at the beginning of the story when you bitched for an entire chapter about being forced to do the interview in the first place? You force yourself to do shit you're not willing to do all the time, so I don't know why I ever thought Christian would be any different.
Once inside his apartment, Ana makes several observations that don't make any sense considering the man she's talking about.
"To the right is an imposing U-shaped sofa that could seat ten adults comfortably. It faces a state-of-the-art stainless-steel - or maybe platinum for all I know - modern fireplace. The fire is lit and flaming gently. On the left beside us, by the entryway, is the kitchen area. All white with dark wood worktops and a breakfast bar that seats six.
Near the kitchen area, in front of the glass wall, is a dining table surrounded by 16 chairs." -- For someone who doesn't socialize ever, and who, for all intents and purposes might as well hate other people, Christian has an awful lot of seating. He can fit 32 people in his apartment, just between his kitchen and living area, and that's not including standing room. For all the pretense that he's antisocial and deeply troubled, he must have some raging parties.
"'Can I take your jacket?' Christian asks. I shake my head. I'm still cold from the wind on the helipad.
'Would you like a drink?' he asks. I blink at him."
Christian gets them each a glass of wine while Ana considers how rich he must be. It makes her uncomfortable for all the wrong reasons. She notes the piano in the corner and asks if he plays. He does.
"He takes a sip of wine. He doesn't take his eyes off me. I feel them following me as I turn and glance around this vast room. "Room" is the wrong word. It's not a room - it's a mission statement." -- I don't think I understand what you're going for here.
Christian asks her to sit, and it's awkward.
"'Why did you send me Tess of the d'Urbervilles specifically?' I ask.
........
'It seemed appropriate. I could hold you to some impossibly high ideal like Angel Clare or debase you completely like Alec d'Urberville,' he murmurs, and his eyes flash dark and dangerous.
'If there are only two choices, I'll take the debasement.' I whisper, gazing at him. My subconscious is staring at me in awe." -- some people would call that an out-of-body experience, hun. also, in reference to Christian's weird eyes...
YOU. ARE. FUCKING. WELCOME.
Christian hands Ana his non-disclosure agreement which she signs without reading because, as she puts it, "I wouldn't talk about us to anyone anyway. So it's immaterial whether I sign an agreement or not." After signing, she asks Christian what I assume all new readers are wondering.
"'Does this mean you're going to make love to me tonight, Christian?' Holy shit. Did I just say that? His mouth drops open slightly, but he recovers quickly.
'No, Anastasia, it doesn't. First, I don't make love. I fuck . . . hard. Second, there's a lot more paperwork to do. And third, you don't yet know what you're in for. You could still run for the hills. Come, I want to show you my playroom.'
My mouth drops open. Fuck hard! Holy shit, that sounds so . . . hot. But why are we looking at a playroom? I am mystified.
'You want to play on your Xbox?' I ask. He laughs loudly.
.........
Producing a key from his pocket, he unlocks yet another door and takes a deep breath.
'You can leave anytime. The helicopter is on standby to take you whenever you want to go; you can stay the night and go home in the morning. It's fine whatever you decide.'
'Just open the damn door, Christian.'
He opens the door and stands back to let me in. I gaze at him once more. I so want to know what's in here. Taking a deep breath I walk in.
And it feels like I've time-traveled back to the sixteenth century and the Spanish Inquisition.
Holy fuck." -- Not to be pedantic, but the Spanish Inquisition was actually established in the fifteenth century.
Many thanks to Monty Python
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