"No man has ever affected me the way Christian Grey has, and I cannot fathom why. Is it his looks? His civility? Wealth? Power? I don't understand my irrational reaction. I breathe an enormous sigh of relief. What in heaven's name was that all about? Leaning against one of the steel pillars of the building, I valiantly attempt to calm down and gather my thoughts."
From dictionary.com:
Valiant
[val-yuh nt]
Once back at her apartment, Ana finds Kate still in her pajamas. Kate asks how the interview went, which is apparently way too inquisitive for Ana's liking ("Oh no - here we go, the Katherine Kavanagh Inquisition."). Ana scolds her for not giving her a biography on Christian and Kate apologizes, as flu brain totally screwed with her and made her forget. Ana talks about the interview more than Kate asked her to, which is interesting since Ana appeared to not want to talk about it to begin with.
"Mostly he was courteous, formal, slightly stuffy - like he's old before his time. He doesn't talk like a man of twentysomething. How old is he, anyway?" -- I'd like to provide you with an excerpt from Twilight; Nook version; Page 93:
"And the way he sometimes spoke, with unfamiliar cadences and phrases that better fit the style of a turn-of-the-century novel than that of a twenty-first century classroom." -- the similarities are painful.
Sidenote: it took me like half an hour to find that stupid quote so appreciate it.
Ana goes to work and when she gets back from her shift, Kate presses her for more information by asking the same question multiple times ("So what did you really think of him?"). She's going to be an A+ journalist. Once again, Ana incorrectly states that she'll never have to see him again, and since Kate doesn't correct her, I'm going to assume that Christian is the only person in this book aware that he'll be at their graduation. Maybe he wasn't even invited. He's just going to storm the stage and demand to hand out diploma cases. Who the fuck knows.
The next morning, Ana calls her mother to check in on her.
"She proceeds to tell me about her latest venture into candlemaking - my mother is all about new business ventures. Fundamentally, she's bored and wants something to occupy her time, but she has the attention span of a goldfish. It'll be something new next week. She worries me. I hope she hasn't mortgaged the house to finance this latest scheme. And I hope Bob - her relatively new but much older husband - is keeping an eye on her now that I'm no longer there."
Annnnd, in chapter 1 of Twilight, Bella has some very similar concerns:
"How could I leave my loving, erratic, harebrained mother to fend for herself? Of course she had Phil now, so the bills would probably get paid, there would be food in the refrigerator, gas in her car, and someone to call when she got lost, but still . . ." -- do you ladies have mothers or toddlers? honestly, can any woman in either of these books have their lives together independent of having a man there to clean up after them?
The next few days pass in a blur, and suddenly it's Saturday. Jose came over the night before with a bottle of champagne to announce that he's having a gallery opening the following month and is inviting both Ana and Kate. But we all know he's only inviting Kate so it doesn't look like he's trying ask Ana on a date. Which he totally is. But shhhhh it's a secret.
So, like I said, it's Saturday and Ana is at work. It's a normal day, busy, boring, and with absolutely no chance of disgustingly rich stalkers falling out of the sky and into aisle 2. OR SO YOU THOUGHT. But before I get there, there's a word usage that is bothering me and I need to say something.
"We are besieged by do-it-yourselfers wanting to spruce up their homes. Mr. and Mrs. Clayton and John and Patrick - the two other part-timers - and I are besieged by customers." -- really? 'besieged' twice? and with not even a single sentence separating them? did anyone proofread this? I feel like this is something that should have been caught.
Anyway, back to the probably-serial killer who's decided to be less-than-subtle about following his next victim.
"Then, for some reason, I glance up . . . and find myself locked in the bold gray gaze of Christian Grey, who's standing at the counter, staring at me.
Heart failure." -- if you had actually died, this series would be much shorter.
Christian remarks at what a pleasant surprise it is to see her, even though it is not a surprise because he's been sitting in her fucking parking lot for hours waiting for the right moment to make her uncomfortable. She's naturally taken aback at his appearance, since he lives 3 hours away, and she takes a long moment to appraise him.
"Holy crap. What the hell is he doing here, looking all outdoorsy with his tousled hair and in his cream chunky-knit sweater, jeans, and walking boots?" -- I'm just gonna say it. This sentence makes it sound like Christian is covered from head to toe in cream colored cable-knit.
After regaining consciousness, Ana acknowledges Christian with just his name, giving him the opportunity to explain what the hell he's doing in Portland. Or Vancouver. I really have no idea where this store is supposed to be located.
"'I was in the area,' he says by way of explanation. 'I need to stock up on a few things. It's a pleasure to see you again, Miss Steele.' His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel . . . or something." -- Literally what the fuck. Sounds like Ana's blood sugar might be running low if she's starting to imagine people as extremely specific types of chocolate.
For the record, I would devour the man who's voice sounded like this looks.
While we're all distracted by trying to decide which feeling is more urgent - wanting chocolate right now or being totally confused by that description - Ana is gathering her thoughts and taking in Christian's appearance. Still.
"My memories of him did not do him justice. He's not merely good-looking - he's the epitome of male beauty, breathtaking, and he's here."
The following is an excerpt from chapter 1 of the Nook version of New Moon:
"Yet here he was, strolling gracefully toward me - with the most beautiful smile on his angel's face..." -- honestly this is only one of dozens of instances that Bella refers to Edward as beautiful. It was hard to pick just one.
Christian is beaming at Ana, "like he's privy to some big secret." The secret of course, we all know, is that he's going to proceed to make her as uncomfortable as possible because that's what turns him on. He asks for cable ties, and Ana gets nervous.
"I try for nonchalance as I come out from behind the counter, but really I'm concentrating hard on not falling over my own feet - my legs are suddenly the consistency of Jell-O. I'm so glad I decided to wear my best jeans this morning." -- what does this mean?????? are they your best jeans because they possess the required magical abilities to keep you upright? do they have extra cushioning in the knees and butt just in case you do take a tumble? if so, are they also rip-resistant?
Whatever the case with her jeans, it gives her momentary confidence as she tells him where the cable ties are.
"My voice is a little too bright. I glance up at him and regret it almost immediately. Damn, he's handsome.
'After you,' he murmurs, gesturing with his long-fingered, beautifully manicured hand."
"With my heart almost strangling me - because it's in my throat trying to escape from my mouth - I head down one of the aisles to the electrical section." -- there's some fun imagery for you.
She begins to wonder why he's in Portland (ah, yes. I finally know the location of this stupid store.), and it occurs to her that he might be there to see her. But of course, that idea is preposterous (her word, not mine) because she's plain and vapid and boring and utterly unremarkable (my words this time), so she asks if he's there on business. He tells her that he was doing some work at the Vancouver campus of WSU and I guess they don't have hardware stores there. After locating the cable ties, he tells her he needs masking tape.
"'I'll take that one,' Grey says softly, pointing to the wider tape, which I pass to him. Our fingers brush very briefly, and the current is there again, zapping through me like I've touched an exposed wire. I gasp involuntarily as I feel it all the way down to somewhere dark and unexplored, deep in my belly. Desperately, I scramble around for my equilibrium.
'Anything else?' My voice is husky and breathy. His eyes widen slightly." -- is it because you now sound like an out of breath man? also, am I really supposed to believe that this 22 year old has never given herself an orgasm? ALSO. should a girl who can only refer to her vagina as "somewhere dark and unexplored" really be having sex at all? these are important questions, people.
In the rope section, Christian asks if Ana was ever a Girl Scout - because she can pull rope off of a spool. Such talent. Amazing. She lets it slip that organized group activities aren't her thing, and Christian is intrigued to know what is. And of course, Ana's response is: books.
"'What kind of books?' He cocks his head to one side. Why is he so interested? (calm down, Ana. this is called small talk.)
'Oh, you know. The usual. The classics. British literature, mainly.'" -- this is usual for literally no 22-year-old anywhere ever. it's more usual for 17-year-old Arizona natives forced to move in with their father only to fall in love with a vampire.
Now that Christian has rope, Ana asks if there's anything else he needs. He asks what she recommends, even though he hasn't told her why he's buying these items in the first place. She suggests coveralls, so he doesn't ruin his clothing.
"I gesture vaguely in the direction of his jeans.
'I could always take them off.' He smirks. (WHY IS THIS A THING YOU WOULD SAY TO SOMEONE)
'Um.' I feel the color in my cheeks rising again. I must be the color of The Communist Manifesto. Stop talking. Stop talking NOW." -- I understand that we're all supposed to infer a deep red color here, but as there are multiple printings of The Communist Manifesto, not all of which are red at all, I'm going to need more specifics here. Could I get a publication date?
Christian buys the coveralls and asks Ana how the article is coming along. She explains that Kate is writing it and is very happy with it, except that she doesn't have any original photos of Christian. He suggests that the next day they could get together for a photoshoot, and Ana is excited. He gives her his business card and they proceed to the register so he can pay for his stuff. As he leaves, Ana watches him and continues to stare at the door long after he's exited.
"Okay - I like him. There, I've admitted it to myself. I cannot hide from my feelings anymore. I've never felt like this before. I find him attractive, very attractive. But it's a lost cause, I know, and I sigh with bittersweet regret. It was just a coincidence, his coming here. But still, I can admire him from afar, surely. No harm can come of that. And if I find a photographer, I can do some serious admiring tomorrow. I bite my lip in anticipation and find myself grinning like a schoolgirl."
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