Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 4

"Kiss me, damn it! I implore him, but I can't move. I'm paralyzed with a strange, unfamiliar need, completely captivated by him. I'm staring at Christian Grey's mouth, mesmerized, and he's looking down at me, his gaze hooded, his eyes darkening. He's breathing harder than usual, and I've stopped breathing altogether. I'm in your arms. Kiss me, please. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and gives me a small shake of his head as if in answer to my silent question. When he opens his eyes again, it's with some new purpose, a steely resolve.

'Anastasia, you should steer clear of me. I'm not the man for you,' he whispers. What? Where is this coming from? Surely I should be the judge of that. I frown, and my head swims with rejection."

Christian puts Ana back on her feet, and the world starts to crumble around her. She doesn't understand how she could have misread the situation so terribly. It's an easy mistake, Ana. Christian is a master manipulator and you've apparently never so much as held hands with a boy before. We forgive you. For now.
"'Thanks for the tea and doing the photo shoot,' I murmur.
'Anastasia . . . I . . .' He stops, and the anguish in his voice demands my attention, so I peer unwillingly up at him. His gray eyes are bleak as he runs his hand through his hair. He looks torn, frustrated, his expression stark, all his careful control has evaporated.
'What, Christian?' I snap irritably after he says . . . nothing. I just want to go. I need to take my fragile, wounded pride away and somehow nurse it back to health." -- good lord. it was just coffee right? the day after you met him? both of you are acting like your perfect 5 year relationship is falling apart at the seams. chill the fuck out.

Christian helplessly wishes Ana good luck on her exams, and she's livid. She sarcastically thanks him and turns to walk to the parking garage without giving him a second glance. Once in the garage though, she's much less composed, as she leans against the wall and sinks to the ground in tears. Really. As she's sobbing ridiculously, she notes that she's never been on the receiving end of rejection because she's never put herself out there.

"A lifetime of insecurity - I'm too pale, too skinny, too scruffy, uncoordinated, my long list of faults goes on. So I have always been the one to rebuff any would-be admirers. There was that guy in my chemistry class who liked me, but no one has ever sparked my interest - no one except Christian Damn Grey. (really?) Maybe I should be kinder to the likes of Paul Clayton and Jose Rodriguez, though I'm sure neither of them has been found sobbing alone in dark places. Perhaps I just need a good cry.

Stop! Stop now! my subconscious is metaphorically screaming at me, arms folded, leaning on one leg and tapping her foot in frustration." -- But... that's.... not.... a metaphor? At all? Not even kind of? 

This isn't a metaphor, either.

When Ana gets home, Kate is quick to notice that she's been crying.

"'Ana, what's wrong?'

Oh no . . . not the Katherine Kavanagh Inquisition." -- this isn't a real thing.

They go back and forth about why Ana's upset and how coffee went and why Ana thinks she won't be seeing Christian again (he's out of her league! but Ana's a total babe!). Kate asks Ana if she'd like to read the article she's written, and she agrees. Except she just stares at the picture of Christian and pretends to read. Such a good friend.

"I pretend to read the article, all the time meeting his steady gray gaze, searching the photo for some clue as to why he's not the man for me - his own words to me. And it's suddenly blindingly obvious. He's too gloriously good-looking. We are poles apart and from two very different worlds. I have a vision of myself as Icarus flying too close to the sun and crashing and burning as a result."

Later, when Ana can finally be alone with her thoughts, she allows them to drift to Christian and the potential reasons for his rejection.

"He'd said it there and then. He didn't want me as a girlfriend. I turn onto my side. Idly, I wonder if perhaps he's celibate." -- BREAKING: Ana has never heard of asexuality and appears to believe that people who don't want to have sex also cannot have romantic relationships.

The next day is Ana's final exam. She finishes her last test with a flourish and a "Cheshire cat grin," and looks forward to the night's events (she might even get drunk!). Upon returning home, Kate discovers a package for Ana containing the three volumes of Tess of the d'Urbervilles, all first editions. Kate does a quick internet search and learns that they're worth tens of thousands of dollars, which isn't really all that surprising, considering who they're from.

Ana and Kate meet up with Jose at a bar, and Ana proceeds to get super sloppy.

"Jose joins us. He won't graduate for another year, but he's in the mood to party and gets us into the spirit of our new found freedom by buying a pitcher of margaritas for us all. As I down my fifth glass, I know this is not a good idea on top of the champagne.

'So what now, Ana?' Jose shouts at me over the noise.

'Kate and I are moving to Seattle. Kate's parents have bought a condo for her.'

'Dios mio, how the other half live. But you'll be back for my show?'

'Of course, Jose, I wouldn't miss it for the world.' I smile, and he puts his arm around my waist and pulls me close.

'It means a lot to me that you'll be there, Ana,' he whispers in my ear. 'Another margarita?'

'Jose Luis Rodriguez - are you trying to get me drunk? Because I think it's working.' I giggle. 'I think I'd better have a beer. I'll go get us a pitcher.'"

When Ana gets up from the table, she decides that, as long as she's still able to stand, she might as well go to the bathroom. While standing in line, she considers calling Christian.

"Who did I call last? Was it Jose? Before that, a number I don't recognize. Oh yes. Grey, I think this is his number. I giggle. I have no idea what time it is; maybe I'll wake him." -- YOU'RE STARING AT YOUR PHONE AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS

So, Ana being Ana, she calls Christian, thinking that she'll give him a real piece of her tequila-addled mind and tell him that if he wants her to stay away from him, he should leave her alone. The conversation obviously doesn't go the way she wants it to, and soon, he's badgering her about where she is and why she's been drinking. She hangs up and decides to go outside for fresh air. She's soon joined by Jose, who deserves a swift kick in the dick.

"'Ana,' Jose has joined me. 'You okay?'

'I think I've just had a bit too much to drink.' I smile weakly at him.

'Me, too,' he murmurs, and his dark eyes are regarding me intently. 'Do you need a hand?' he asks and steps closer, putting his arm around me.

'Jose, I'm okay. I've got this.' I try to push him away rather feebly.

'Ana, please,' he whispers, and now he's holding me in his arms, pulling me close.

'Jose, what are you doing?'

'You know I like you, Ana, please.' He has one hand at the small of my back holding me against him, the other at my chin tipping back my head. Holy fuck . . . he's going to kiss me.

'No, Jose, stop - no.' I push him, but he's a wall of hard muscled, and I cannot shift him. His hand has slipped into my hair, and he's holding my head in place.

'Please, Ana, cariño,' he whispers against my lips. His breath is soft and smells too sweet - of margarita and beer. He gently trails kisses along my jaw up to the side of my mouth. I feel panicky, drunk, and out of control. The feeling is suffocating.

'Jose, no,' I plead. I don't want this. You are my friend, and I think I'm going to throw up." -- you know, I was totally Team Jacob in Twilight, but I am certainly not on Team Jose in this book. Way to be the biggest asshole in a chapter that includes Christian Grey, dude. Ana goes on to forgive Jose later (much like she'll forgive Christian for so many despicable things), which makes me question how ELJ views her protagonist. You don't do this shit to someone. And you certainly don't just forgive the person who does. 

Thankfully (never thought I'd say that), Christian shows up just in time to pull Jose off of Ana. The combination of unwanted Jose advances, too much alcohol, and the sudden appearance of the dude who broke her heart prove too much for Ana's poor stomach, and she doubles over, throwing up all over herself. Jose, the child that he is, leaps back in disgust, while Christian helps Ana to a ledge and holds her hair back. Imagine that. A situation in which Christian is actually a gentleman. Once Ana has pulled herself together, the tension is palpable and Jose excuses himself to go back inside. For some reason, Ana feels compelled to apologize to Christian, for being sick and making a fool of herself, but let's be honest. She probably wouldn't be apologizing for anything if he hadn't decided to show up unannounced. Christian tells her he's going to take her home and that his brother will tell Kate where she is.

"'He was with me when you phoned.'

'In Seattle?' I'm confused.

'No, I'm staying at the Heathman.'

Still? Why?

'How did you find me?'

'I tracked your cell phone, Anastasia.'

Oh, of course he did. How is that possible? Is that legal? Stalker, my subconscious whispers at me through the cloud of tequila that's still floating in my brain, but somehow, because it's him, I don't mind." -- you absolutely should mind, Ana. 

Ana insists that she tell Kate where she's going, so Christian takes her to the dance floor to find her. Kate is dancing with Christian's brother, Elliot, and Ana is immediately concerned. Christian tells Elliot that he's taking Ana home and Elliot tells Kate, who smiles and waves. With that, Ana is escorted off the dance floor.

"But I never got to talk to her. Is she okay? I can see where things are heading for her and him. I need to do the safe-sex lecture. In the back of my mind, I hope she reads one of the posters on the inside of the bathroom door. My thoughts crash through my brain, fighting the drunk, fuzzy feeling. It's so warm in here, so loud, so colorful - too bright. My head begins to swim, oh no . . . and I can feel the floor coming up to meet my face, or so it feels. The last thing I hear before I pass out in Christian Grey's arms is his harsh epithet.

'Fuck!'"