**trigger warning for suicidal thoughts/attempts**
It's the middle of the night, I think, in Savannah. Ana is talking in her sleep. Christian is channeling his inner Edward.
"'No. Please. Don't leave me.'
What? It's Ana. 'I'm not going anywhere,' I mutter, bemused. Turning, I prop myself up on my elbow. She's huddled beside me and looks like she's asleep.
'I won't leave you,' she mumbles.
My scalp prickles. 'I'm very glad to hear that.'
She sighs.
'Ana?' I whisper. But she doesn't react. Her eyes are closed. She's fast asleep. She must be dreaming . . . what is she dreaming about?
'Christian,' she says.
'Yes,' I respond automatically.
But she says nothing; she's definitely asleep, but I've never heard her talk in her sleep before.
I watch her, fascinated."
Christian wakes Ana up because they have exciting secret stuff to do (it was actually 5am so. not quite the middle of the night.). She is not a morning person - but at 5am, who is? - and asks if she can take a shower.
"'Can't I have a shower?'
'If you have a shower, I'll want one with you, and you and I know what will happen then - the day will just go. Come.'" -- I mean, orrrrrrr, you could acknowledge that while you want to shower with her, you don't need to shower with her. And you don't want to ruin your plans so maybe you just wait while she gets ready. AND you've already showered and showering too often is bad for your skin and hair. Or you could forget that you're a thinking adult with the ability to overcome your baser instincts. You seem to be good at that. In related news, Ana never gets to shower again, ever, because Christian has the self control of a toddler.
Once out of the elevator, they head for the car.
"Outside, the valet is waiting with the Mustang. Ana arches a brow, impressed by the GT500. Yeah, it's a fun drive, even if it's only a Mustang."
Again, how rich do you have to be before this becomes a realistic thing to say?
After putting the address of the airfield in the GPS, they're off. And for some reason, Christian thinks opera music (La Traviata, to be exact), is just what they need for an energetic morning.
"'La Traviata? I've heard of that. I can't think where. What does it mean?'
I give her a knowing look. 'Well, literally, 'the woman led astray.'" -- I'm gonna interject for a second here to say that I checked out Google Translate and it simply translates "La Traviata" as "The Traviata." It wasn't until I found, wait for it, WIKIFUCKINGPEDIA, that I found the translation Christian gives.
Christian gives Ana control of the music, and like any 22 year old girl in 2011, she chose Britney Spears.
"She taps on a song, and Verdi's dulcet strings are replaced by a pounding beat and Britney Spears.
''Toxic', eh?' I observe, with wry humor.
Is she trying to tell me something?
Is she referring to me?
'I don't know what you mean,' she says innocently.
Does she think I should wear a warning?
Miss Steele wants to play games." -- Literally what the fuck does this exchange mean. I'm so. Just. What? Christian you are reading WAY too much into a millennial loving Britney Spears. And may I remind you, she didn't go seeking out that song. It was on YOUR iPod. You're turning nothing into a lot of something and I hate you for it. Also, do not make fun of Toxic. Britney was fucking ON IT when this debuted.
AND ALSO what is Ana responding to here? "I don't know what you mean," doesn't make any fucking sense in the context of what's happening. Because she can't hear what Christian is thinking. And he isn't asking her if she's referring to him, HE'S THINKING IT. GO HOME ELJ YOU ARE DRUNK.
Christian feels the need to explain that he did not put Toxic on his iPod (although who could blame him, that song is a gem), but that just spurs a non-needed conversation about Leila, an ex submissive. Just kidding, it's totally needed because if Christian didn't mention her now, no one would know what the fuck was happening in like 20 pages when she shows up in his kitchen.
We arrive at the airfield so Christian can take Ana soaring. As he's helping her into her parachute harness, we're all given a truly special moment of imagery.
"I hoist the shoulder straps up over her arms and fasten the parachute.
Boy, she looks good in a harness.
Briefly, I wonder how she'd look spread-eagled and hanging from the karabiners in the playroom, her mouth and her sex at my disposal." -- page 442 and we're still talking about Ana as if she's a car your friend is lending you for the weekend.
The guy in charge of the airfield (his name is Mark Benson but it doesn't matter) comes around to check that Ana is strapped in correctly.
"'You'll love it.'
'Thanks, Mr. Benson,' Ana says.
'Call me Mark,' he replies, fucking twinkling at her. I narrow my eyes at him." -- it's called customer service, you soggy pineapple. but thanks for the gif opportunity.
They go soaring and it's thrilling. Ana giggles and it's like heaven itself has opened up to bless their union. Angels sing and the clouds part to make more room for their love. Or something. In the car on the way to breakfast, they discuss their relationship.
"'I like that you introduced me to Mark as your girlfriend,' she says, changing the subject.
'Isn't that what you are?'
'Am I? I thought you wanted a submissive.'
'So did I, Anastasia, and I do. But I've told you, I want more, too.'
'I'm very happy that you want more,' she says.
'We aim to please, Miss Steele.'" -- is this dialogue believable for anyone? ANYONE?
They go to IHOP and the waitress comes to see if they're ready to order.
"We're interrupted.
'Hi, my name's Leandra. What can I get for you . . . er . . . folks . . . er . . . today, this mornin'?'
Oh, God. I ignore the redheaded server.
'Anastasia?' I prompt her.
'I told you, I want what you want.'
Hell. She might as well be addressing my groin." -- again, I'd like us all to take a moment to imagine Dakota Johnson speaking directly to Jamie Dornan's crotch.
"'This is delicious,' she says.
'I like that you're hungry.'
'Must have been all the exercise last night and the thrill this morning.'
'It was a thrill, wasn't it?'
'It was mighty fine, Mr. Grey.'" -- WHY
"I pull up outside her mother's home with some regret. I wish we could play hooky all day; the last twelve hours have been . . . nice.
More than nice, Grey. Sublime." -- are you sure? there's no other adjective you'd like to throw in there? maybe... MIGHTY FINE?
Christian leaves Ana because he has actual work to do, and goes back to the hotel. From there, Taylor takes him to his meeting. As it's wrapping up, Taylor knocks on the door and enters, looking grim.
"There's a knock at the door and Taylor enters the small conference room. His face looks grim, but what's more worrying is that he never, ever interrupts my meetings. My scalp prickles.
Ana? Is she okay?
'Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen,' he says to all of us.
'Yes, Taylor,' I ask, and he approaches and speaks discreetly in my ear.
'We have a situation at home concerning Miss Leila Williams.'
Leila? What the hell?" -- DUN DUN DUN
"In the hallway, Taylor's tone is grave as he apologizes once more or interrupting my meeting.
'Don't worry. Tell me what's happened.'
'Miss Williams is in an ambulance on the way to the ER at Seattle Free Hope.'
'Ambulance?'
'Yes, sir. She broke into the apartment and made a suicide attempt in front of Mrs. Jones.'
Fuck. 'Suicide?' Leila? In my apartment?
'She slashed her wrist. Gail went with her in the ambulance. She informed me that the EMT's arrived in time and Miss Williams is not in any immediate danger.'" -- hmm, yes. Leila. The ex submissive who put Toxic on Christian's iPod. I didn't include in this post the conversation that Christian and Ana had about his ex-subs, but mostly it came down to why they left. For many, the relationship simply ran its course. They parted amicably and, I assume, came out of it better people. For a few though, it ended because the sub wanted more and Christian didn't. I'll give you 1 guess to which category Leila fits in. Also, I don't appreciate ELJ using an obviously unstable character for plot development. Leila easily could have broken into the apartment and done LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE. But instead, clear depression, mental instability, and a suicide attempt have all been utilized for an extra 60 pages of Man Angst.
Man Angst: most clearly defined by a Single Man Tear.
"On the flight I throw myself into work to distract me from the problem waiting at home. By the time we've touched down I've read three reports and written fifteen e-mails. Our car is waiting, and Taylor drives through the pouring rain straight to Seattle Free Hope. I have to see Leila and find out what the hell is going on. As we near the hospital my anger surfaces.
Why would she do this to me?"
Eventually Christian makes it to the hospital. After jumping through a few hoops and pretending to be Leila's brother, he is able to get to her floor. Upon arrival, he notices security combing through rooms. A doctor approaches him.
"'Where's Leila?'
He assesses me for a moment, then sighs and steels himself. 'I'm afraid I don't know,' he says. 'She's managed to give us the slip.'
'What?'
'She's gone. How she got out I don't know.'
. . . . .
'And who are you?' I ask.
'I'm Dr. Azikiwe, the on-call psychiatrist.'
He looks to young to be a psychiatrist. 'What can you tell me about Leila?' I ask.
'Well, she was admitted after a failed suicide attempt. She tried to slash one of her wrists at an ex-boyfriend's house. His housekeeper brought her here.'
. . . . .
'Did you talk to her?'
'I did.'
'Why did she do this?'
'She said it was a cry for help. Nothing more. And, having made such a spectacle of herself, she was embarrassed and wanted to go home. She said she didn't want to kill herself. I believed her. I suspect it was just suicidal ideation on her part.'" -- It bothers me on a primal level how ELJ has constructed a suicidal character and then makes attempts at psychiatry to explain why she isn't actually suicidal, but simply had a moment of weakness. For her psychiatrist character to be so flippant about a woman who was admitted mere hours ago after attempting suicide having now disappeared is irresponsible at best.
Ana emails Christian asking if he's landed safely (which he has) and if his situation has been taken care of (which it hasn't). They go back and forth with weird couples' banter about how Ana talks in her sleep. Ana makes a comment about Christian's advanced age and the fact that he probably misheard her. She gets frustrated that he won't tell her what she said in her sleep (she said she wouldn't leave him, remember?) and emails that she is "officially pissed" and says goodnight.
"Anastasia,
I'd rather hear you say the words that you uttered in your sleep when you're conscious, that's why I won't tell you. Go to sleep. You'll need to be rested, with what I have in mind for you tomorrow.
She doesn't respond; I hope for once she's doing what she's told and she's asleep (SHE TOLD YOU SHE WAS GOING TO SLEEP ASSHAT). Briefly I think of what we could do tomorrow, but it's too arousing, so I push the thought aside and concentrate on my e-mails.
But I have to confess I feel a little lighter after some e-mail banter with Miss Steele. She's good for my dark, dark soul."
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