As promised at the end of the last chapter,
"Her sharp intake of breath is music to my dick."
you're. fucking. welcome.
Also, as I mentioned at the end of the last post, we're experimenting with Kegel balls this chapter.
Kegel balls, I have learned (I actually learned this in the original trilogy but whatevs), are metal balls that are inserted into your vagina for the purposes of, I assume, pleasure. They roll around in there and when pressure is applied or specific movements occur, they hit your g-spot with extreme effectiveness. At least, that is, if your name is Anastasia Steele.
We're here because Ana decided to trade Christian the opportunity to spank her for information about his past. Worst trade ever, but fine. Christian has inserted the kegel balls (a terribly uncomfortable scene from which I am sparing you), and decides to have even more fun.
"Let's rile her some more, Grey.
'Ask me.' My voice is firm.
A mystified look crosses her face.
'Ask me.'
Come on, Ana.
Her brow furrows.
'Ask me, Anastasia. I won't say it again.' My voice is sharper.
Finally, she realizes what I'm asking for and she blushes. 'Spank me, please, Sir,' she says quietly." -- Just gonna throw it out there, Christian, but you weren't asking for anything, you were demanding. Verbs are hard.
So, Christian spanks her, as expected. Ana enjoys it, as - apparently - she should. Finally, Christian can handle it no longer.
"Turning her over, I pause to yank my pants off and put on a wretched condom, then lie down beside her." -- which is more wretched, Christian? The condom or a gaggle of screaming children?
Despite the anguish of wearing a condom, Christian manages to pull it together and have more uncomfortable sex with Ana. After, she requests that he make good on his end of the deal and open up to her a little bit.
"With a heavy sigh I place the arnica cream on the bedside table and slip into bed, pulling Ana into my arms. I kiss her ear. 'The woman who brought me into this world was a crack whore, Anastasia. Go to sleep.'" -- oh, good. We're going with the incredibly problematic and overused cliche of having a drug addled mother who couldn't take care of poor Christian. So, even though she died when he was four ('She died when I was four. I don't really remember her.'), I'm supposed to believe that she fucked him up so hard, she's being used as his validation for beating women? Nope. Not happening. Not even a little.
Also, I shouldn't have to mention (but I will) how gross it is to blame a struggling woman for another woman's abuse. Let us all be clear that Christian is a capable, thinking adult, who makes his own decisions and answers to absolutely no one. Ana's abuse is Christian's fault, not his mother's.
While Ana sleeps the day away (I'm kidding, it's only 8am), Christian gets some work done. It's incredibly tedious and boring and I'm not putting any of it here. While he's on the phone, he notices the sky. And Ana's eyes. And their relationship to each other. A lot.
"While I wait for her to pick up the phone I gaze out at the cloudless sky. It's the same shade as Ana's eyes."
"My eyes lock with Ana's. They are the color of a summer sky and just as warm."
"I turn to Ana, who's jiggling her left foot but not taking her sky-blue eyes off me."
Lord.
Once Christian is off the phone, Ana comes over and kisses him. Which is, I guess, surprising.
"Her lips are persistent, so I respond, kissing her back, surprised by the intensity of her ardor. With one hand I cup her head, with the other her naked, recently spanked ass, and my body ignites like dry tinder."
Things heat up, obviously, because if they stop having sex, ELJ is going to actually have to craft a plot.
"Her words are a siren's call to my libido. Losing all self-restraint, I sweep everything off my desk, sending my papers, phone, and pens all clattering or floating to the floor, but I don't care." -- I mean. First, I'd like to point out that using both 'clattering' and 'floating', even though 'floating' is supposed to be used to describe the paper, sort of makes me imagine that some of his pens choose to end things quickly while others prefer to glide down for a soft landing. Also, are we supposed to be impressed that you're willing to throw shit on the floor to have sex? Really? We know you way too well by now, dude.
Surprise surprise, they have more sex. That's twice in 5 pages, by the way - in fact, that's all the first 3 pages were. Christian is upset that Ana has to go to Georgia (which makes no sense because we all know he's going to stalk her all the way there).
"I give her a rough, possessive kiss.
Because I don't want her to go to Georgia." -- this shit is fucking groundbreaking.
Ana goes to take a shower and leaves Christian alone to get control of his life again. He calls a business person dude he knows and has a long conversation, and then whines inwardly about why they have to be doing business in Detroit.
"Does it have to be Detroit?
I have vague memories of the place: drunks, hobos, and crackheads shouting at us on the streets; the seedy dive we called home; and a young, broken woman, the crack whore I called Mommy, staring into space while she sat in a drab, grimy room filled with stale air and dust motes." -- this is REALLY FUCKING VIVID FOR SOMEONE WHO NOT TWO PAGES AGO SAID HE DIDN'T REMEMBER HIS MOTHER. Continuity? What's that?
Anyway, Ana and Christian eat breakfast and talk a little bit about her interviews and her upcoming trip to Georgia. She doesn't have a ticket yet and will buy one when she gets home. She still won't tell him which companies she's interviewing with and he once again threatens to track her phone (honestly this happens so often it's not even registering as fucking terrible on my radar anymore). After she leaves, Christian makes a very important phone call.
"'Welch. Anastasia Steele is buying an airline ticket today, leaving Seattle tonight for Savannah. I'd like to know which flight she's on'
'Does she have an airline preference?'
'I'm afraid I don't know.'
'I'll see what I can do.'
I hang up. My cunning plan is falling into place."
Very soon after, Christian is contacted by Welch, with all the details for Ana's flight. Armed with this new information, Christian summons his assistant.
"'Andrea, Anastasia Steele is traveling on these flights. Upgrade her to first class, check her in, and pay for her to enter the first-class lounge. And buy he seat beside her on all flights, there and back. Use my personal credit card.'" -- Here's the thing. Has anyone ever bought a plane ticket the afternoon you're supposed to fly out? There is no way on this earth that there is an empty seat next to Ana on ANY of those flights, let alone all of them. Come on, Christian. Get your head out of Ana's vagina and regain some common sense.
A long chain of emails takes place between Christian and Ana, peppered with all the banalities of their day. Ana asks if Christian's housekeeper is an ex-sub of his, which is a bizarre thing to think, but whatever. She's not. Christian mentions that he never hires anyone he's had sexual relationships with but would make an exception for her. Like a normal human, Ana doesn't love this.
"Dear Mr. Grey,
I think I have already expressed my reservations about working for your company. My views on this have not changed, are not changing, and will not change, ever."
Christian, as ever, is confused.
"For some reason I'm mildly irritated to hear that she wouldn't want to work for me. She has an impressive GPA. She's bright, charming, funny; she'd be an asset to any company." -- Literally I am all these things. And I'm not even trying to be self-centered. My undergraduate GPA could be classified as "impressive," I'm generally bright, and I can charm the pants off anyone. So whyyyyy aren't incredibly hot billionaires breaking down my door to work for them? Because I don't have any WORK EXPERIENCE. Which Ana also does not have. She would not be an asset to any company. She would be an asset to Christian's company specifically, mostly because of her ass.
Ana emails Christian, after being given all of the treatments involved in a first class upgrade (massages? manicures? I have no idea if this is accurate at all). She mentions that his "stalking knows no bounds" which is grossly accurate, but she doesn't actually seem bothered. He asks her who was massaging her back and she responds with exactly what Christian deserves.
"A very pleasant young man massaged my back. Yes. Very pleasant indeed. I wouldn't have encountered Jean-Paul in the ordinary departure lounge - so thank you for that treat." -- yaaaaaas, girl. make him jealous!
"Is she trying to make me jealous? Does she have any idea how mad I can get? She's been gone for a few hours, and she's deliberately making me angry. Why does she do this to me?"
He emails her back, stating that if she tries to make him angry on purpose again, she'll be bound and gagged in a crate in the cargo hold (I'm preeeetty sure this is illegal? But who the fuck knows anymore?). Her response is concerned because she's FUCKING KIDDING and has no idea if his weird threats on her well-being are also jokes or if he's as horrifyingly scary as we all know he is. He responds:
"How can you be emailing? Are you risking the life of everyone on board, including yourself, by using your BlackBerry? I think that contravenes one of the rules." -- Yeah, sure, except wifi has been a thing on planes for a long fucking time now so maybe just stop being such a fucking baby about everything jfc.
We end the chapter with Christian sitting down to play his piano because he's in a shitty mood.
15 chapters down, 10 to go. Help me.
No comments:
Post a Comment