"For the first time in my life, I voluntarily go for a run. I find my nasty, never-used sneakers, some sweatpants, and a T-shirt. I put my hair in pigtails, blushing at the memories they bring back, and I plug in my iPod. I can't sit in front of that marvel of technology and look at or read any more disturbing material. I need to expend some of this excess, enervating energy. Quite frankly, I have a mind to run to the Heathman Hotel and just demand sex from the control freak. But that's five miles, and I don't think I'll be able to run one mile, let alone five, and, of course, he might turn me down, which would be beyond humiliation."
-- Okay, first of all, if your sneakers have never been used, how the fuck are they also nasty? do you just leave them outside all the time? why did you buy sneakers if you were never going to use them? why have you just now decided to go running? there are other ways to clear your head. is it because Christian goes running? and while we're on the subject, who the fuck exercises in pigtails? and also, ewwww pigtails???? I know you weren't really there when he was thinking about how those things made you look but I remember because I blogged it.
I was also there when he decided to mail you a computer, and I can assure you, it's just a laptop. leave all of that "marvel of technology" bullshit for your grandparents, sweetie. you know what a computer is. in fact, get on that fucking thing and look up the word "enervating". because when you do, you'll find that it's a descriptive word, used to denote something that drains you of energy (ie, enervating heat). so it's super fucking hard to have "excess enervating energy" that is in need of expending. and why the fuck are there so many Es????? that entire sentence sounds like it came out of a toddler's alphabet book. which I'm sure Christian would love, given how he feels about your fucking pigtails. so maybe you should run the 5 miles and demand sex. he could use them as handlebars and achieve yet another one of his "firsts" because let's be honest - a guy who's asking you to sign over your everlasting permission for him to use your body as he pleases, and to fuck you whenever and wherever he wants, is certainly not going to fucking turn you down.
As Ana runs through the park, she considers what she's going to do about Christian.
"What am I going to do? I want him, but on his terms? I just don't know. Perhaps I should negotiate what I want. Go through that ridiculous contract line by line and say what is acceptable and what isn't. My research has told me that legally it's unenforceable. He must know that. I figure that it just sets up the parameters of the relationship. It illustrates what I can expect from him and what he expects from me - my total submission. Am I prepared to give him that? Am I even capable?" -- so let me get this straight. you were able to do enough research to discover that this contract is unenforceable, but not enough that you don't have to verbally ask what a butt plug does in 70 pages? really?
Ana goes back to her apartment and decides that the best way to deal with this enigmatic control freak is to send him a cryptic email. No way that could go wrong.
"'Okay, I've seen enough.
It was nice knowing you.
Ana'
I press "send," hugging myself, laughing at my little joke." -- hilarious, Ana. truly. your comedic genius knows no bounds. you are a true master.
Unfortunately, Christian doesn't think her joke is so funny, and soon he's at her apartment.
"I don't know why I glance up, maybe I catch a slight movement from the corner of my eye (maybe? maybe? are you sure that's not exactly what happened?????), I don't know, but when I do, he's standing in the doorway of my bedroom, watching me intently. He's wearing his gray flannel pants and a white linen shirt, gently twirling his car keys. I pull my earbuds out and freeze. Fuck!
'Good evening, Anastasia.' His voice is cool, his expression completely guarded and unreadable." -- remember like 3 chapters ago when you thought it was the sunglasses that made him unreadable?
So Christian is in Ana's room, like the stalker he is, challenging her email to him. He sits on her bed, and when she offers him a drink, he cocks his head to one side like a confused puppy (or these guys) and declines.
"Leaning forward, he slowly undoes one of my pigtails, his fingers freeing my hair. My breathing is shallow and I cannot move. I watch hypnotized as his hand moves to my second pigtail, and pulling the hair tie, he loosens the braid with his long, skilled fingers." -- pigtails AND long fingers in the same sentence.
"Leaning forward, he slowly undoes one of my pigtails, his fingers freeing my hair. My breathing is shallow and I cannot move. I watch hypnotized as his hand moves to my second pigtail, and pulling the hair tie, he loosens the braid with his long, skilled fingers." -- pigtails AND long fingers in the same sentence.
Soon after Christian gets rid of Ana's pigtails, he removes that tie from his pocket and proceeds to tie her up with it. I know this, because it's described once: "...he fastens my wrists together, but this time, he ties the other end of the tie to one of the spokes of my white iron headboard." And then I'm informed again. "I'm tied, literally, to my bed, and I'm so aroused."
After she's tied up and undressed, Christian blindfolds Ana with her own shirt.
"He places his long index finger over my mouth, a warning.
.....
'Mmm,' he breathes appreciatively. 'This just gets better and better. I'm going to get a drink.'
Leaning down, he kisses me, his lips tender against mine, and his weight shifts off the bed. I hear the quiet creak of the bedroom door. Get a drink. Where? Here? Portland? Seattle?
.....
He shuts the door and shuffles around removing his pants. They drop to the floor, and I know he's naked." -- yeah, Ana. he's going to leave you tied up while he fucking drives to Seattle for a fucking martini. and also, how the fuck are you narrating him getting undressed when you can't fucking see? CONTINUITY IS NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR.
"He places his long index finger over my mouth, a warning.
.....
'Mmm,' he breathes appreciatively. 'This just gets better and better. I'm going to get a drink.'
Leaning down, he kisses me, his lips tender against mine, and his weight shifts off the bed. I hear the quiet creak of the bedroom door. Get a drink. Where? Here? Portland? Seattle?
.....
He shuts the door and shuffles around removing his pants. They drop to the floor, and I know he's naked." -- yeah, Ana. he's going to leave you tied up while he fucking drives to Seattle for a fucking martini. and also, how the fuck are you narrating him getting undressed when you can't fucking see? CONTINUITY IS NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR.
Christian has come back with ice and wine, and proceeds to tease Ana to the brink of losing her mind, all the while asking "Is this nice?" "How nice is this?" "So it was nice knowing me, huh?" like he's just discovered a very exciting new word.
"'Shall I fuck you this way, or this way, or this way? There's an endless choice,' he breathes against my lips." -- there's no diagram here, Christian. you're literally just thinking out loud and no one but you can see the various ways in which you might decide to fuck her. just make up your damn mind so this scene can be over.
After still more sex, they talk a little bit about the contract. Ana brings up Elena (Mrs. Robinson), and comments that Christian has her to talk to about his lifestyle but Ana isn't allowed to talk to anyone. And, as we'd expect from Christian, he offers the shittiest of solutions.
"'I don't think I've ever thought about it like that. Mrs. Robinson was part of that lifestyle. I told you, she's a good friend now. If you'd like, I can introduce you to one of my former subs. You could talk to her.'
What? Is he deliberately trying to upset me?
'Is this your idea of a joke?'
'No, Anastasia.' He's bemused as he shakes his head.
'No - I'll do this on my own, thank you very much,' I snap at him, pulling the duvet up to my chin.
He stares at me, at sea, surprised.
........
'Anastasia Steele - are you jealous?'
I flush, crimson.
'Are you staying?'
'I have a breakfast meeting tomorrow morning at the Heathman. Besides, I told you, I don't sleep with girlfriends, slaves, subs, or anyone.'" -- in what world can Christian think "hm yes I've been this girl's only sexual experience ever. definitely the people she wants to talk to aRE OTHER WOMEN I'VE FUCKED." He's too stupid to be this rich.
So Ana kicks him out, but still agrees to meet with him on Wednesday to discuss the contract. She's feeling used, in her words, "like a receptacle - an empty vessel to be filled at his whim," which, to be fair, is exactly what she is. After Christian leaves, Ana has a teary heart-to-heart with Kate and decides to go to bed. Once in her room, she emails Christian with her list of issues and he responds asking why she's still awake.
"Sir,
If you recall, I was going through this list when I was distracted and bedded by a passing control freak.
Good night.
Ana"
Christian responds:
"GO TO BED, ANASTASIA.
Christian Grey
CEO & Control Freak, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
Oh . . . shouty capitals! I switch off. How can he intimidate me when he's six miles away? I shake my head. My heart still heavy, I climb into bed and fall instantly into a deep but troubled sleep." -- first of all, she said "good night," implying she was already going to go to bed, so fucking chill. second, you're fucking kidding, right? a well placed caps lock is all it takes to intimidate you? how are you even an adult?
"'Shall I fuck you this way, or this way, or this way? There's an endless choice,' he breathes against my lips." -- there's no diagram here, Christian. you're literally just thinking out loud and no one but you can see the various ways in which you might decide to fuck her. just make up your damn mind so this scene can be over.
Parks and Rec is killing it this time around
After still more sex, they talk a little bit about the contract. Ana brings up Elena (Mrs. Robinson), and comments that Christian has her to talk to about his lifestyle but Ana isn't allowed to talk to anyone. And, as we'd expect from Christian, he offers the shittiest of solutions.
"'I don't think I've ever thought about it like that. Mrs. Robinson was part of that lifestyle. I told you, she's a good friend now. If you'd like, I can introduce you to one of my former subs. You could talk to her.'
What? Is he deliberately trying to upset me?
'Is this your idea of a joke?'
'No, Anastasia.' He's bemused as he shakes his head.
'No - I'll do this on my own, thank you very much,' I snap at him, pulling the duvet up to my chin.
He stares at me, at sea, surprised.
........
'Anastasia Steele - are you jealous?'
I flush, crimson.
'Are you staying?'
'I have a breakfast meeting tomorrow morning at the Heathman. Besides, I told you, I don't sleep with girlfriends, slaves, subs, or anyone.'" -- in what world can Christian think "hm yes I've been this girl's only sexual experience ever. definitely the people she wants to talk to aRE OTHER WOMEN I'VE FUCKED." He's too stupid to be this rich.
So Ana kicks him out, but still agrees to meet with him on Wednesday to discuss the contract. She's feeling used, in her words, "like a receptacle - an empty vessel to be filled at his whim," which, to be fair, is exactly what she is. After Christian leaves, Ana has a teary heart-to-heart with Kate and decides to go to bed. Once in her room, she emails Christian with her list of issues and he responds asking why she's still awake.
"Sir,
If you recall, I was going through this list when I was distracted and bedded by a passing control freak.
Good night.
Ana"
Christian responds:
"GO TO BED, ANASTASIA.
Christian Grey
CEO & Control Freak, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
Oh . . . shouty capitals! I switch off. How can he intimidate me when he's six miles away? I shake my head. My heart still heavy, I climb into bed and fall instantly into a deep but troubled sleep." -- first of all, she said "good night," implying she was already going to go to bed, so fucking chill. second, you're fucking kidding, right? a well placed caps lock is all it takes to intimidate you? how are you even an adult?
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