When we left Ana, she had been moved to tears by Christian's not-so-subtle "you're a commodity" email. Distressed and staring into the darkness, I assume she fell asleep at some point. We enter chapter 14 with Ana in the throes of her first erotic dream. Ever. At 21 years old. The first.
She's dreaming that Christian is teasing her with a leather riding crop, and she's panting. A lot.
"Reaching forward, he trails the tip of the crop from my forehead down the length of my nose, so I can smell the leather, and over my parted, panting lips. He pushes the tip into my mouth so I can taste the smooth, rich leather.
'Suck,' he commands his voice soft. My mouth closes over the tip as I obey.
'Enough,' he snaps.
I'm panting once more as he tugs the crop out of my mouth, trails it down and under my chin, on down my neck to the hollow at the base of my throat. He swirls it slowly there and then continues to drag the tip down my body, along my sternum, between my breasts, over my torso down to my navel. I'm panting, squirming, pulling against my restraints that are biting into my wrists and ankles." -- 139 is not enough words to write 'panting' three times and have it go unnoticed.
Thankfully, the dream is soon over (because Ana is a rare snowflake who can just have an orgasm at the drop of a hat), and Ana has no idea what's happening.
"Abruptly, I wake, gasping for breath, covered in sweat and feeling the aftershocks of my orgasm. Holy hell. I'm completely disoriented. What the hell just happened? I'm in my bedroom alone. How? Why? I sit bolt upright, shocked . . . wow. It's morning. I glance at my alarm clock - eight o'clock. I put my head in my hands. I didn't know I could dream sex. Was it something I ate? Perhaps the oysters and my Internet research manifesting itself in my first wet dream." -- yeah, Ana. that's it. oysters you ate 12 hours ago are giving you sleep orgasms. if that were the case, everyone would eat oysters all the time.
Grudgingly (I assume), Ana gets out of bed to find Kate prancing around the kitchen. Obviously, the second she sees Ana, she launches into her infamous Katherine Kavanagh Inquisition - honestly, how dare she ask how her best friend's date went? The nerve.
"What can I say? His HIV status is clear, he's heavily into role-play, wants me to obey his every command, he hurt someone he tied to his bedroom ceiling, and he wanted to fuck me in the private dining room. Would that be a good summary?" -- probably not.
She asks Kate if she'd like some tea and offers to listen to her speech for the graduation ceremony later. Kate runs off to get her laptop and leaves Ana to contemplate Christian's indecent proposal.
"I am so confused. Christian's idea of a relationship is more like a job offer. It has set hours, a job description, and a rather harsh grievance procedure. It's not how I envisaged my first romance - but, of course, Christian doesn't do romance. If I tell him I want more, he may say no . . . and I could jeopardize what he has offered. And this is what concerns me most, because I don't want to lose him. But I'm not sure I have the stomach to be his submissive - deep down, it's the canes and whips that put me off. I'm a physical coward, and I will go a long way to avoid pain. I think of my dream . . . is that what it would be like? My inner goddess jumps up and down with cheerleading pom-poms shouting yes at me."
We jump forward for no real reason, and suddenly Ray (Ana's stepdad) is at Ana's place to take her to her graduation. Kate has left already, because she's giving the valedictorian speech and has to be there early. Ana throws her arms around him in what she describes as "an uncharacteristic display of affection," and Ray is immediately concerned. Ana asks how everyone in Montesano is getting along, but we never get an answer because now we're on campus and Ray is parking his car. We're then whisked away to the auditorium, and Ana is nervous.
"There is no one on the stage yet, but I can't seem to steady my nerves. My heart is pounding, and my breathing is shallow. He's here, somewhere. I wonder if Kate is talking to him, interrogating him maybe. I make my way to my seat amongst fellow students whose surnames also begin with S. I am in the second row, affording me yet more anonymity." -- ELJ has clearly never been to an American college graduation. there's no fucking way Ana is in the second row if she's sitting with the rest of the Ss. And I would know. I AM AN S. the only way she's up there is if she's in the top 10% of her class. which she probably is, but that's not stated, is it? these are details that matter, woman.
As the ceremony commences, Ana sees that Christian has chosen to wear that tie, obviously on purpose. She tries as hard as she can to sink into the floor, but Christian's eyes find her nonetheless.
"I squirm uncomfortably, hypnotized by his glare as I feel a slow flush spread across my face. Unbidden, I recall my dream from this morning, and the muscles in my belly do the delectable clench thing." -- the delectable clench thing. someday, Ana will learn to recognize that she's sexually aroused, and how to articulate it like an adult.
The ceremony continues, Kate giving a rousing speech about "What Next After College?" (no, I'm not kidding), and Christian speaking to the auditorium about his mission to feed the world. It's all very exciting. During Christian's speech, he mentions that he knows what it's like to be profoundly hungry, and Ana is shocked. Her shock distracts her for the remainder of Christian's speech. What a great girlfriend.
"I'm seized by a sense of raw outrage. Poor, fucked-up, kinky, philanthropic Christian..." -- what an interesting list of adjectives.
Ana's name is called to collect her degree (btw, ELJ - you don't actually get your degree at the graduation ceremony, but whatever), and Christian asks if she's been having a problem with her laptop. She hasn't so he thinks she's ignoring his emails. Ana is confused.
"I go back to my seat. E-mails? He must have sent another. What did it say?
The ceremony takes another hour to conclude. It's interminable. Finally, the Chancellor leads the faculty members off the stage to yet more rousing applause, preceded by Christian and Kate. Christian does not glance at me, even though I'm willing him to do it. My inner goddess is not pleased."
Once everyone has filed out of the auditorium, Kate scurries into the lobby to find Ana and tells her that Christian really needs to talk to her. She's surprised and worried, but follows her to the back.
"'Thank you,' he says, and before she can reply, he takes my elbow and steers me into what looks like a men's locker room. He checks to see if it's empty, and then he locks the door.
Holy shit, what does he have in mind? I blink up at him as he turns on me."
He explains to Ana that he's angry that she hasn't responded to any of his emails or texts (it's not like she was busy getting ready for what I assume is the most monumental occasion of her young life or anything) because she drove home in "that deathtrap," and he's basically been worried that she'd died.
"'Because you went home in that deathtrap you call a car.'
'What? It's not a deathtrap. It's fine. Jose regularly services it for me.'
'Jose, the photographer?' Christian's eyes narrow, his face frosting. Oh crap." -- for a wealthy, gorgeous, can-have-any-woman-he-wants guy, Christian is remarkably insecure about an almost-rapist that Ana doesn't even like.
"He takes a deep breath.
'Anastasia, I need an answer from you. This waiting around is driving me crazy.'
'Christian, I . . . look, I've left my stepdad on his own.'
'Tomorrow. I wan't an answer by tomorrow.'
'Okay. Tomorrow, I'll tell you then.' I blink at him." -- the beauty of this conversation really lies in the fact that he never actually has her sign his elusive contract. also:
Christian asks if Ana is staying for drinks and mentions that he'd like to meet her stepdad. She's concerned, obviously, about introducing the two of them, and poor, fragile, insecure Christian seems to think it's because she's embarrassed of him.
"'No!' It's my turn to sound exasperated. 'Introduce you to my dad as what? "This is the man who deflowered me and wants us to start a BDSM relationship/" You're not wearing running shoes.'" -- I mean, you could choose to introduce him like this. maybe your dad is carrying and we could just end the series two and a half books early. no? fine.
Ana goes out and finds Ray. She asks if he'd like to get drinks, all the while hoping he'll say no. Obviously he says yes (honestly, who can sit through a graduation and not need booze afterwards?), so they make their way to the reception room.
"'Can I take my cap and gown off now? I feel kind of dorky.'
You look kinda dorky . . . my subconscious is at her snarky best. So are you going to introduce Ray to the man you're fucking? She is glaring at me over her wing-shaped spectacles. He'd be so proud. God, I hate her sometimes."
So Ana and her dad go get drinks and as Ana is about to introduce Christian as her friend, Kate jumps in and calls him her boyfriend. Ana is furious because I don't really know why, so she follows Kate when she leaves to go reprimand her. When she comes back, her dad and Christian are having a fairly pleasant conversation and Ray asks her where the bathroom is.
"Ray heads out. I glance nervously up at Christian. We pause briefly as a photographer takes a picture of both of us.
'Thank you, Mr. Grey.' The photographer scurries off. I blink from the flash."
Not that this is the time or the place, but Ana decides that they need to discuss their relationship. She wants more than just amazing sex, and Christian had better be willing to give that to her or.... actually, she'd just stay for the amazing sex, but that's not the point.
"'But I want more,' I whisper.
'More?' he looks down at me puzzled, his eyes darkening. I nod and swallow. Now he knows.
'More,' he says again, softly. Testing the word - a small, simple word, but so full of promise. His thumb traces my lower lip. 'You want hearts and flowers.'
I nod again. He blinks down at me, and I watch his internal struggle played out in his eyes."
This is really getting out of hand.
You never really notice how much characters blink until you decide to make a conscious effort to comment on it every time.
Christian tells her - again - that hearts and flowers aren't his deal. Also, what are we, 6? I haven't described romance as "hearts and flowers" ever, but anyone who has hasn't done so since primary school. Cut it out.
"'Try it,' he whispers. A challenge, daring me, and he cocks his head to one side and smiles his crooked, dazzling smile.
I gasp, and I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, and he's the serpent, and I cannot resist." -- I hate you.
Ray returns from the bathroom and Ana suddenly realizes what she's done.
"Holy shit, I've just agreed to be his sub. Christian smiles at Ray and his eyes are dancing with joy.
'Annie, should we get some lunch?'
'Okay.' I blink up at Ray (GODFUCKINGDAMMIT), trying to find my equilibrium. What have you done? my subconscious screams at me. My inner goddess is doing backflips in a routine worthy of a Russian Olympic gymnast." -- how many fucking people do you have in there???
After what I'm presuming was lunch, Ray drops Ana off at home. She gets very emotional as he leaves because he's approved of Christian and she's worried that he'll murder her or something, and the whole situation is very overwhelming. She checks her email and there's one from Christian saying he's happy to discuss the soft limits any time, to which she replies that she's free that evening and can come over that evening. He's really adamant about her not driving her car though, so he decides to come to her.
"Holy crap . . . he's coming over now. I have to get one thing ready for him - the first edition Thomas Hardy books are still on the shelves in the living room. I cannot keep them. I wrap them in brown paper, and I scrawl on the wrapping a direct quote from Tess from the book:
'I agree to the conditions, Angel; because you know best what my punishment ought to be; only - only - don't make it more than I can bear!'"
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