"Slowly the outside world invades my senses, and oh my, what an invasion. I am floating, my limbs soft and languid, utterly spent. I'm lying on top of him, my head on his chest, and he smells divine: freshly laundered linen and some expensive body wash and the best, most seductive scent on the planet . . . Christian. I don't want to move, I want to breathe this elixir for eternity."
She places her hand on his chest, despite knowing how he feels about that kind of contact, and is then surprised when he removes it and asks her to not touch him. Again. Finally, she's had enough and wants answers.
"'Why don't you like to be touched?' I whisper, staring up into soft gray eyes.
'Because I'm fifty shades of fucked up, Anastasia.'" -- YOU DID ITTTTTT
Are you, Christian? Are you FIFTY SHADES of fucked up? (it should be noted that from here on out, Ana refers to Christian as 'my fifty shades' or sometimes just 'fifty'. Like the rapper. I'm sorry.)
This seems to please Ana, who drops the subject immediately and just stares at Christian.
"'If you imagine for one minute that I think you ceded control to me, well you haven't taken into account my GPA.' I smile shyly at him. 'But thank you for the illusion.'
'Miss Steele, you are not just a pretty face. You've had six orgasms so far and all of them belong to me.' he boasts, playful again.
I flush and blink at the same time, as he stares down at me." -- Your GPA has literally nothing to do with anything and quite frankly I don't believe it's anywhere near what ELJ decided it was since your research skills and general inability to navigate life leave so much to be desired. Also, the amount of orgasms she's had has nothing to do with her being more than just a pretty face, so, as usual, I'm left confused. And a little bit sad that I can't find a blushing AND blinking Buzz Lightyear gif.
This will just have to suffice.
It turns out that the reason she's blushing and blinking all at once is that she never told Christian about that time like 2 chapters ago that she had the sex dream about him. Remember? When she was surprised that she could dream sex? Naturally, once she tells him the dream happened, he wants to know what it was about. Unfortunately, this is Anastasia Steele we're dealing with - the girl who, despite having a lot of sex recently, can't communicate about it without behaving like she's in primary school. Christian stands up from the bed and starts getting dressed.
"I don't want him to go. What can I do?
'When is your period due?' He interrupts my thoughts.
What?
'I hate wearing these things,' he grumbles. He holds up the condom, then puts it on the floor and slips on his jeans.
'Well?' he prompts when I don't reply, and he looks at me expectantly as if he's waiting for my opinion on the weather. Holy crap . . . this is personal stuff." -- jesus fucking christ you're fucking sleeping with him. your period is now relevant to his life and if you want to be so much more, you're going to need to suck it the fuck up. he's aware that you're a woman and therefore you get your period - he's more knowledgeable about your basic anatomy than you are. and honestly, I'd be more concerned about the fact that he clearly has little enough respect for you that he just throws a used condom on your floor instead of seeking out the bin.
They talk for a bit about getting Ana on birth control and signing the ever elusive contract. Christian wants to do a scene with her, but won't until she's signed because then he'll know she's ready - he can tell a lot from someone's signature. She suggests that she could just drag out their relationship by not signing, and some creepy 'playful' banter ensues. There's talk of potential kidnapping, holding her against her will, you know. The usual. Then, Ana rolls her eyes at him and it just gets worse.
"'What did I say I'd do to you if you rolled your eyes at me again?'
Shit. He sits down on the edge of the bed.
'Come here,' he says softly.
I blanch. Jeez . . . he's serious. I sit staring at him, completely immobile.
'I haven't signed,' I whisper.
'I told you what I'd do. I'm a man of my word. I'm going to spank you, and then I'm going to fuck you very quick and very hard. Looks like we'll need that condom after all.'
His voice is so soft, menacing, and it's damned hot. My insides practically contort with potent, needy, liquid, desire. He gazes at me, waiting, eyes blazing. Tentatively, I uncurl my legs. Should I run? This is it; our relationship hangs in the balance, right here, right now. Do I let him do this or do I say no, and then that's it? Because I know it will be over if I say no." -- I'm sorry this is so long but SERIOUSLY???? first of all, she's right - she hasn't signed anything. my issue isn't with the fact that she hasn't signed, or that she's afraid, or even that ELJ basically said her insides had liquefied. she's literally only doing this because she doesn't want their 'relationship' to end. they've been together for MAYBE 2 weeks at this point. she's actually considering running away from him, but she guilts herself into staying because he's her first boyfriend (except not). ugh.
"'Aargh!' I cry out on the tenth slap - and I'm unaware that I have been mentally counting the blows.
'I'm just getting warmed up.'
He hits me again, then he strokes me softly. The combination of the hard stinging blow and his gentle caress is so mind-numbing. He hits me again . . . this is getting harder to take. My face hurts, it's screwed up so tight. He strokes me gently and then the blow comes. I cry out again.
'No one to hear you, baby, just me.'
And he hits me again and again. From somewhere deep inside, I want to beg him to stop. But I don't. I don't want to give him the satisfaction." -- I am so angry. Not only because Christian implying that there's no one to hear her is first horribly creepy, but also because it's inaccurate. And I'm not being pedantic here. He's telling her there's no one to come save her. No one can hear her, right? So she's stuck. Even if she says no. Even if she screams no. He's basically just said 'you might as well just take it because there's nothing that's going to make me stop.'
So after completely debasing and humiliating Ana (and then fucking her again), Christian asks if she's okay.
"I think about his question. My backside is sore. Well, glowing now, and amazingly I feel, apart from exhausted, radiant. The realization is humbling, unexpected. I don't understand.
'I'm okay,' I whisper. I don't want to say more than that." -- at this point, Christian gets off her bed and gets dressed to leave. if he knew anything at all, he'd know that whispering a response like that is questionable at best, and he really should have stayed. but he doesn't.
When Christian comes back to Ana's room after using the bathroom, she can't look at him. He says he's leaving and she tells him she'll walk him out, still not meeting his eyes. At her front door, he tells her to look at him and he's staring back at her in awe because "'You didn't cry.'" He leaves, and Ana heads back inside.
"I close the door and stand helpless in the living room of an apartment that I shall only spend another two nights in. A place I have lived happily for almost four years . . . yet today, for the first time ever, I feel lonely and uncomfortable here, unhappy with my own company. Have I strayed so far from who I am? I know that lurking, not very far under my rather numb exterior, is a well of tears. What am I doing? The irony is I can't even sit down and enjoy a good cry. I'll have to stand." -- yeah, she sounds fine.
Sure, Sam. Suuuure.
She decides to call her mom, who knows immediately that something is wrong. When Ana tells her it's about a guy, her mother naturally assumes she's been beaten, which, let's face it, isn't that far off. Ana assures her that no, really, everything is fine, she just wants more from their relationship than he does. Her mom tells her that men are a different species and that she wishes she could help.
"Christian is definitely a different species . . . different planet." -- I dream of a world where people can be planets and not be criticised for it.
While she's on the phone, Kate comes home and sees she's been crying. Hanging up, Ana turns to face her. For once, Kate has sound advice along the lines of 'if this guy is being a cunt, leave him,' but Ana is having none of that. She changes the subject to see how Kate's day was, downs a few glasses of wine, and goes to bed. Before she falls asleep, she checks her email and finds one from Christian. It's more complimentary than we'd expect from Mr. Grey, opening with how exquisite and witty (????) Ana is, but the veil is quickly lifted when he continues "Take some Advil - this is not a request. And don't drive your Beetle again. I will know." So at this point, I think it's safe to assume that Christian either has Ana under pretty constant surveillance, or he's attached some kind of tracking device to her car. Both of which are fairly creepy.
Some email banter goes back and forth, Ana telling Christian she'll need to drive the car so she can sell it somewhere, Christian responding that Taylor is going to do that because the car is dangerous, Ana countering that she doesn't want Taylor to do that and that she thinks it's interesting that Christian would rather his long time and valued employee drive the car instead of "some woman you fuck occasionally"... it's riveting stuff. He doesn't like that she called herself that and says it makes him MAD (ELJ's shouty capitals, not mine) and that Ana won't like him when he's angry. She says she doesn't really like him at the moment anyway. He wants to know why. It's because he never stays with her.
Sorry for all the exposition. Have a cute puppy gif to feel better.
Ana shuts down the computer and reflects upon the day.
"And then this evening, he actually hit me. I've never been hit in my life. What have I gotten myself into? ...... Why is he so fucked up? It must be awful to be as affected as he is, and the thought that as a toddler he suffered some unbearable cruelty makes me cry harder. Perhaps if he was more normal he wouldn't want you, my subconscious contributes snidely to my musings . . . and in my heart of hearts I know this is true. I turn into my pillow and the sluice gates open . . . and for the first time in years, I am sobbing uncontrollably into my pillow." -- for anyone wondering, 'sluice' is derived from a Dutch word (and one that Ana would never ever know), meaning 'a water channel controlled at its head by a gate'. also, you've known this asshole for like 2 weeks. stop crying over him and move the fuck on. it isn't your job to fix him and as much as it pains me to say it, you deserve better.
In the midst of wallowing in her sorrow, Ana's angst is interrupted by Kate shouting from the living room. Suddenly, Christian bursts into Ana's room and turns on her light. He turns it off quickly because it almost blinds her and he sits on her bed. Kate follows him in and asks Ana if she'd like her to 'throw this asshole out' (yes, Kate. please.), but Ana says no. Christian implores Ana to talk to him because if he'd known she was so miserable, he'd never have left. Which I'm pretty sure is bullshit, but okay.
"'I take it when you said you were okay, you weren't.'
I flush. 'I thought I was fine.'
'Anastasia, you can't tell me what you think I want to hear. That's not very honest,' he admonishes me. 'How can I trust anything you've said to me?'" -- the phrase 'I thought I was fine' is not her admitting that she was just telling you what you wanted to hear. she thought she was fine. and it just turned out that she wasn't. it happens. stop being horrible and trying to make her feel guilty for having emotions.
The conversation continues and Christian finally opens up to Ana a little bit about why he'd so desperately like to beat her senseless. It's a touching moment, really.
"'I like the control it gives me, Anastasia. I want you to behave in a particular way, and if you don't, I shall punish you, and you will learn to behave the way I desire. I enjoy punishing you. I've wanted to spank you since you asked me if I was gay.'
I flush at the memory. Jeez, I wanted to spank myself after that question. So Katherine Kavanagh is responsible for all this, and if she'd gone to that interview and asked her gay question, she'd be sitting here with the sore ass." -- no she fucking would not. there is no way in hell Kate would ever let Christian or any other man blatantly abuse her in the name of his own sexual pleasure. you're on your own there, Ana.
Ana is concerned that Christian wanting to beat her into a new personality means he wants to change her, but that's absolutely not what he's trying to do at all how could she even think that??? He doesn't want to change her - he just wants her to obey everything he says and cease to be a person of independent thought. Why is that so hard for her to accept??
Christian asks Ana how she felt during and after she was spanked and she says she was confused. He disagrees.
"'You were sexually aroused by it, Anastasia.' He closes his eyes briefly, and when he reopens them and gazes at me, they are blazing." -- I've already covered why you don't get to tell another person what they're sexually aroused by because bodies are bizarre things, but in case we've forgotten, allow me to refresh your memory.
Ana is having a difficult time expressing the way she feels, and Christian sarcastically tells her to write him an email (because she's more eloquent in print. it's funny. get it?). He decides to stay the night, though Ana isn't sure if it's because he wants to or if he knows she wants him to and its important to her that he stays because he wants to.
"Standing, he empties his jeans pockets of BlackBerry, keys, wallet, and money. Holy cow, men carry a lot of crap in their pockets." -- this has nothing to do with the story, I just thought it was interesting that Christian keeps his money separate from his wallet. And also that Ana is 22 years old and hasn't figured out that men's giant pockets are the reason they don't carry purses.
He tells her to turn the light off because it's late and they both have to get up in the morning. She notes that he's still super bossy but decides she can't complain because he's decided to sleep with her, and also considers that maybe she should weep more often in front of him because he'll give her what she wants. Honestly, I don't know who's more manipulative here. Christian pulls her close to him, and the two of them fall into what I assume is a peaceful and non-abusive slumber.
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