Bared to You: Chapter 3

When we last saw Eva, she was telling Cary that she wanted to check out the Krav Maga classes in Brooklyn. She's decided they should go check out the class offered by that one dude at the gym in chapter one.
"'There's no way your mom and Stanton are going to let you come out here at night multiple times a week,' Cary said, hugging his stylish denim jacket around him even though it wasn't more than slightly chilly." -- Am I supposed to believe that this woman has moved away from her parents, has her own apartment (albeit probably on mommy and daddy's dime), and somehow they're still telling her where she can and cannot go? Is it hard to write a protagonist who and think and act for herself? 

She asks Cary why he thinks Stanton will find out, since she's not going to tell him or her mother about her new found interest.
"'She won't understand. She'll think I want to protect myself because of what happened, and she'll feel guilty and give me grief about it. She won't believe my main interest is exercise and stress relief.'" -- Right, so here's the thing. Even if your main interest was self-defence, why on earth would any parent on the planet have a problem with that? I'm only guessing (but I'm a pretty good guesser), but soon there's going to be a reveal of sexual assault in Eva's past, and if that's the case (and it will be), why would learning to defend herself be seen as anything other than empowering? 

The next day at work, Eva is whining internally about having to spend the whole weekend away from Gideon Cross. Mark is going over something businessy with her when the phone rings. It's Stanton (Richard?? I don't fucking know, she calls him both. Richard Stanton? Stanton Richard? Is it a double-barrelled first name???? I NEED ANSWERS). He wants to have lunch, and Mark is nice enough to give her 2 hours. Stanton-Richard joins her shortly after she arrives, and and they start to eat.

"'Eva love, I wanted to discuss your interest in Krav Maga.'

I froze. 'Excuse me?'

Stanton took a sip of iced water and leaned back, his jaw taking on the rigidity that warned me I wouldn't like what he was about to say. 

'Your mother was quite distraught last night when you went to that studio in Brooklyn. It took some time to calm her down and to assure her that I could make arrangements for you to pursue your interests in a safe manner. She doesn't want —'

'Wait.' I set my fork down carefully, my appetite gone. 'How did she know where I was?'

'She tracked your cell phone.'

..........

'She has to let it go. I've let it go.'

'You were an innocent, Eva. She feels guilty for not protecting you. We need to give her a little latitude.'" -- What the actual fuck. Also, "you were an innocent"???? Do people really talk like that?

Richard-Stanton goes on to say that he's arranged for a driver to take her to and from Brooklyn whenever she needs to go - it will be more convenient and safer I guess. Eva is rightfully upset and tells him he's enabling her mother and keeping her sick and she needs to get back to work. She leaves her phone with the receptionist and meets Clancy (Stanton-Richard's driver) in the lobby. On her ride home, she thinks of her mother, who is 'so emotional and fragile'. Thank goodness she has a big strong man to take care of her. 

On her way back to work, she stopped at a corner store and bought a bunch of chocolate, which might be the most relatable thing she's done yet. She gets into an empty elevator at work and shovels the first one into her mouth in frustration. She was just enjoying 'the comfort of dark chocolate and caramel melting over [her] tongue,' when the elevator doors opened on the fourth floor to none other than Gideon Cross. Cue shock. Cue awe.

I hope you enjoy laughing at this. It might be the last time you smile in this chapter.

Gideon gets into the elevator with her, and she decides that it would be 'safer for her sanity' if she stepped out and took a different car up. Instead, Cross grabs her by the elbow and drags her back into the elevator. He overrides the car with a key and it begins its ascent to the top floor. 

"'I'm not in the mood for you now, Mr. Cross.'

He watched the antique-style needle above the doors mark the passing floors. 'I can get you in the mood.'

'I'm not interested.'

Cross glanced over his shoulder at me. His shirt and tie were both the same rich cerulean as his irises. The effect was striking. 'No lies, Eva. Ever.'

'That's not a lie. So what if I'm attracted to you? I expect most women are.' Wrapping up what was left of my candy bar, I shoved it back into the shopping bag I'd tucked into my purse. I didn't need chocolate when I was sharing air with Gideon Cross. 'But I'm not interested in doing anything about it.'" -- In case anyone is curious, that literally 4 times in 119 words that she denies his advance. Four. Times.

"'Call me crazy, but I have to actually like someone before I get naked and sweaty with him.'

'Not crazy,' he said. 'But I don't have the time or the inclination to date.'

'That makes two of us. Glad we got that cleared up.'

He stepped closer, his hand lifting to my face. I forced myself not to move away or give him the satisfaction of seeing me intimidated. His thumb brushed over the corner of my mouth, then lifted to his own. He sucked on the pad and purred, 'Chocolate and you. Delicious.'" -- See, this. This is where that Krav Maga might come in fucking handy.

He tells her that romance isn't in his repertoire - how original - but 'a thousand ways to make [her] come are.' Ew. When the elevator stops, she 'backed into the corner and shooed him out with a flick of [her] wrist. "I'm really not interested."' Instead of leaving her to go back to work, he grabs her elbow again and steers her out of the elevator. They're walking to his office and he tells his receptionist to hold all of his calls.

'"I have to go back to work.'

'And I have a meeting at two. The sooner we work this out, the sooner we can both get back to business. Now, sit down.'

'What do you think we're going to work out?'

Sighing, he scooped me up like a bride and carried me over to the sofa. He dropped me on my butt, then sat next to me. 'Your objections. It's time to discuss what it's going to take to get you beneath me.'

'A miracle.' I pushed back from him, widening the space between us. I tugged at the hem of my emerald green skirt, wishing I'd worn pants instead. 'I find your approach crude and offensive.'"

"I pushed myself to my feet and backed out of his reach. 'Casual sex doesn't have to include wine and roses, but for God's sake, whatever else it is, sex should be personal. Friendly even. With mutual respect at the very least.'

His humor fled as he stood, his eyes darkening. 'There are no mixed signals in my private affairs. You want me to blur that line. I can't think of a good reason to.'

'I don't want you to do jack shit, besides let me get back to work.' I strode to the door and yanked on the handle, cursing softly when it didn't budge. 'Let me out, Cross.'

I felt him come up behind me. His palms pressed flat to the glass on either side of my shoulders, caging me in. I couldn't think of my own self-preservation when he was so close."

(If you've not been keeping count, that's 12 times now in a page and a half that she's told him some form of no. Twelve.)

THIS. IS. NOT. SEXY.

Except apparently it is. Cross requests that she turn and face him to say goodbye, as he's decided she's not worth the effort. How sweet. She turns and he tells her to kiss him. Somehow this is something she wants to do, so they kiss. A lot. He carries her over to the couch and they're all hands and tongues and she's basically ready to fuck him in his office on her lunch break. 

"'Jesus, Eva.' A low rumble vibrated in his chest, the primitive sound sending goose bumps racing across my skin. 'Your boss is damned lucky he's gay.'" 

The chapter ends with them just about to finally capitalise on 44 whole pages of lust when Gideon jumps to his feet.

"Abruptly, he yanked himself away, stumbling to his feet.

I lay there gasping and wet, so willing and ready. Then I realized why he'd reacted so fiercely.

Someone was behind him."

*spoiler alert, it's just the speaker on his office phone.

Bared to You: Chapter 2

'His tie was silver and his shirt brilliantly white, the stark absence of color emphasizing those amazing blue irises. As he stood there with his jacket open and his hands shoved casually into his pants pockets, the sight of him was like running smack into a wall I hadn't known was there.' 

She nearly misses the elevator while contemplating the texture of his hair, which for whatever reason is described as 'like whipped cream topping on a hot-fudge brownie sundae.' Being the gentleman that he is, this as yet nameless, long-haired mystery pushes the button to re-open the doors, stating that there's plenty of room for both of them. She contemplates telling him that she's waiting for someone, but then realises that since he's been in the building two days in a row now, he probably works there and it's unlikely she can avoid him forever.

'I couldn't avoid him every time I saw him, and why should I? If I wanted to get to the point where I could look at him and take his hotness for granted, I needed to see him often enough that he became like furniture.' 

She gets into the elevator and immediately regrets her decision. The tension is palpable, and her breathing becomes ragged. You'd think this would be pretty noticeable in a small enclosed space with only one other person, but maybe its got really loud machinery. He asks if she enjoyed her first day, and she answers coldly, which he doesn't really deserve at this point in the story. Finally, though, it's time to leave the elevator.

'I waited impatiently as the elevator emptied, and the first chance I got, I took a step forward. His hand settled firmly at the small of my back and he walked out beside me, steering me. The sensation of his touch on such a vulnerable place rippled through me.' -- Well it would, wouldn't it? Since you're obviously at least colleagues, but basically strangers, and his hand has absolutely no business being anywhere on your body at this moment. Is it too much for me to hope you smack him in the next paragraph?

'We reached the turnstiles and his hand fell away, leaving me feeling oddly bereft.' -- Yep, guess so.

The next morning, Eva arrives at work with a mild hangover, because she went out drinking with Cary the night before.

'My choices were either too much alcohol or a whirl with my vibrator, and I was damned if I'd have a battery-powered orgasm starring Dark and Dangerous. Not that he'd know or even care that he made me so horny I couldn't see straight, but I'd know, and I didn't want to give the fantasy of him the satisfaction.' -- What.

When her boss, Mark, arrives, he's very excited and asks if she can work late. They've received a request for a proposal to do the marketing for some vodka brand, and apparently he's been asked for by name. She agrees, and they spend the whole day working. A little after 7pm, Mark's boyfriend (husband? it's not really clear) calls and asks if they've eaten yet. They haven't, so Steve, being the gem that he is, brings Chinese. They eat, and Steve tries a bit of banter with Eva.

'"Damn, girl," Steven said with a whistle, as I went for a third helping. "You can put it away. Where does it go?"

I shrugged. "To the gym with me. Maybe that helps . . .?"

.......

"I might have to take her out to lunch with the crew. I could win money betting on how much she can eat."

I smiled. "That could be fun."

"Ha. I knew you had a bit of a wild streak. It's in your smile."

Looking down at my food, I refused to let my mind wander into memories of just how wild I'd been in my rebellious, self-destructive phase.' -- I mean, aside from the painfully sloppy foreshadowing, is her ability to eat large quantities of food really indicative of her having a 'wild streak'? Man, would he be impressed with what I can do to a pizza.

The next day, they work tirelessly on their proposal to get it ready in time for their 4 o'clock meeting. They go up to the very top floor of the building, walk into the conference room, and somehow, we're supposed to be surprised at who they find sitting at the table.

'My abrupt stop bottlenecked the threshold and Mark ran into my back, sending me stumbling forward. Dark and Dangerous caught me by the waist, hauling me off my feet and directly into his chest. The air left my lungs in a rush, followed immediately by every bit of common sense I possessed. Even through the layers of clothing between us, his biceps were like stone beneath my palms, his stomach a hard slab of muscle against my own. When he sucked in a sharp breath, my nipples tightened, stimulated by the expansion of his chest.' -- YOU. ARE. AT. WORK. Keep your shit together, for fuck sake. Also, are you expecting me to believe that in a room full of people, no one found it weird that instead of helpfully keeping you standing, he lifted you off the ground and pulled you against his body? Really?

The meeting goes well, and Cross (we've now learned Dark and Dangerous's last name) escorts Eva and her boss to the elevator. He lets Mark get in, but tells Eva he'd like a word.

'Cross said nothing until the car was on its way down; then he pushed the call button again and asked, "Are you sleeping with anyone?"

The question was asked so casually, it took a second to process what he'd said.

I inhaled sharply. "Why is that any business of yours?" 

.....

"Because I want to fuck you, Eva. I need to know what's standing in my way, if anything."' -- Well. I mean. Consent, for one thing. 

The elevator arrives and she takes it downstairs. Her boss is naturally concerned, but she doesn't tell him anything. She suggests he celebrate the meeting going well, and makes reservations for him and Steve at a restaurant. 

Once home, Eva relays the exchange to Cary, who seems way too eager for her to take Cross up on his offer. He says Cross wasn't giving her boss the vodka account on accident, but wants to get close to her. He then shows her a picture of her building and announces that Gideon Cross owns it - at an incredible 28 years old. So now Dark and Dangerous has not just a last name, but also a first name, an age, and a building. The problem is that Eva doesn't really want to sleep with him at the moment because it would be awkward seeing him at work, and she's irritated at the way he put himself out there. She's more than a vagina with legs, guys. 

'He shut his netbook with a decisive snap. 'What should we do tonight?'

'I was thinking I'd like to go check out that Krav Maga studio in Brooklyn.' I'd done a little research after meeting Parker Smith during my workout at Equinox, and as the week passed, the thought of having that kind of raw, physical outlet for stress seemed more and more ideal.

I knew it wouldn't be anything close to banging the hell out of Gideon Cross, but I suspected it would be a lot less dangerous to my health."

If You Liked Fifty Shades....

... then you're going to LOVE what I have in store for you next. As I was perusing the shelves of used books at a charity shop in Helensburgh today, I stumbled across Bared to You, a Fifty Shades ripoff spawned by Sylvia Day. It was in that shop, with my dear husband, mortified that I was actually going to present this book to the cashier and pay real money for it, that I decided this would be my next blogging adventure. Below, I have provided the printed synopsis of the book as a sort of disclaimer: read on at your own risk. 

Gideon Cross came into my life like lightning in the darkness - beautiful and brilliant, jagged and white hot. I was drawn to him as I'd never been to anything or anyone in my life. I craved his touch like a drug, even knowing it would weaken me. I was flawed and damaged, and he opened those cracks in me so easily… 

Gideon knew. He had demons of his own. And we would become the mirrors that reflected each other's most private wounds… and desires. 

The bonds of his love transformed me, even as I prayed that the torment of our pasts didn't tear us apart…

Our journey begins in Manhattan with Eva Tramell and her roommate (boyfriend?) Cary Taylor. Eva has just landed a new job and Cary wants to go celebrate with some wine, but Eva needs to walk to work and then go to the gym, which will apparently take the entire day. Careful not to over-exert herself before the workout begins, Eva takes the elevator to the ground floor of her apartment building.

'In my dreams, I'd imagined living in a walkup in Brooklyn, but being a dutiful daughter, I found myself on the Upper West Side instead. If not for Cary living with me, I would've been miserably lonely in the sprawling apartment that cost more per month than most people made in a year.' -- There's quite a lot to unpack here. First, why do your parents need you to live on the Upper West Side? Do they live there? Are they paying your rent? Are they afraid of Brooklyn? Second, a teensy tiny bit of research (literally 2 Google searches here, people) will tell you that the median household income in 2012, when your book was published, for the Upper West Side was $93,258*. The median household income for the entirety of New York City in that year was $50,711**. Today, right this minute, 2-bedroom apartments in the Upper West Side are on the market for $3,000 - $7,000 per month***. Even if we account for two incomes in a household - let's say hypothetically, that the two adults make $25,355 a year each- please. Please, explain to me how you expect me to believe that your previously unemployed protagonist is living in an apartment that somehow amounts to somewhere between $304,266 and $608,532 a year****. 

*https://project.wnyc.org/median-income-nabes/

**https://project.wnyc.org/median-income-nabes/

***https://www.zillow.com/homes/for_rent/Upper-West-Side-Manhattan-New-York-NY/apartment_duplex_type/270958_rid/2-_beds/40.807702,-73.940778,40.766436,-74.014593_rect/13_zm/

****25,355 and 50,711 multiplied by 12, respectively

She leaves her house and contemplates life in the city. She moved from San Diego, a city probably built from sticks and mud and traversed by horse-drawn carriages, and is amazed that technology exists.

'I was in awe of the lumbering garbage trucks that navigated tiny one-way streets and the package delivery drivers who braved the bumper-to-bumper traffic while facing rigid deadlines.'

As she walks to work, she contemplates how she ended up here. She's determined to make a living 'on her own merits,' and so will be starting an entry-level job. It's clear she values responsibility and adulthood, demonstrated by the fact that her father is paying her student loans (and probably her rent too), and apparently insists on doing so. 

'I pulled my new ID card out of the inner pocket of my pants and held it up for the two guards in black business suits at the desk. They stopped me anyway, no doubt because I was majorly underdressed, but then they cleared me through. After I completed an elevator ride up to the twentieth floor, I'd have a general time frame for the whole route from door to door. Score.'

On her way to the elevators, she falls flat on her ass and finally comes face to face with the man I assume she's going to be seeing a lot of in the next 5 (yes, FIVE) books.

'Inky black hair framed a breathtaking face. His bone structure would make a sculptor weep with joy while a firmly etched mouth, a blade of a nose, and intensely blue eyes made him savagely gorgeous.

........

"Are you all right?"

His voice was cultured and smooth, with a rasp that made my stomach flutter. It brought sex to mind. Extraordinary sex. I thought for a moment that he might be able to make me orgasm just by talking long enough.'

She goes home and Cary has some bizarre form of spaghetti waiting for her ('tiny tubes of salad noodles covered in a skimpy tomato sauce with lumps of ground beef and peas'). She relays her experience with the man she has dubbed "Dark and Dangerous" over dinner and wine. Cary was horrified to learn she hadn't flirted with the stranger, and conversation turned to his modelling career. Maybe that's how they afford such a grand apartment.

Eva's first day of work went the way most first days of work go - introductions, tours, generally taking it easy. She'd not had another run-in with Dark and Dangerous all day, but then it was time to go home.

'When I reached the bank of elevators, I pulled out my cell to text a quick "On my way" note to Cary. A ding alerted me to which car was stopping on my floor and I moved over to stand in front of it, briefly returning my attention to hitting the send button. When the doors opened, I took a step forward. I glanced up to watch where I was going and blue eyes met mine. My breath caught.

The sex god was the lone occupant.'