Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapters 25 and 26: THE END

THE END IS HEREEEEE

Well, kind of. This will be the final post for Fifty Shades of Grey, but fear not! Fifty Shades Darker will commence in due time (probably tomorrow). Here we go!

Chapter 25

Ana leaves Georgia after a teary goodbye at the airport. She emails Christian on the plane and is concerned about the tone of his responses - clearly his "situation" isn't going well. As she relaxes into her first class accommodation, a thought strikes her. 

"I become aware that once again the only empty seat is beside me. I shake my head as the thought crosses my mind that Christian might have purchased the adjacent seat so that I couldn't talk to anyone. I dismiss the idea as ridiculous - no one could be that controlling, that jealous, surely." -- uhhh, have you met him?

Taylor picks Ana up from SeaTac and drives her back to Christian's place. She asks that he play soothing music on the way because she's nervous that she'll find Christian in a less than welcoming mood. 

"My inner goddess is hopeful for one type of mood; my subconscious, like me, is fraught with nerves." -- how many personalities can she have before it's a diagnosable condition?

She enters Christian's foyer, and it takes about a paragraph before they're naked. After, Ana tells him she has a job.

"'Congratulations, Miss Steele. Now will you tell me where?' he teases.

'You don't know?'

He shakes his head, frowning. 'Why would I know?'

'With your stalking capabilities, I thought you might have . . .' I trail off as his face falls.

'Anastasia, I wouldn't dream of interfering in your career, unless you ask me to, of course.' He looks wounded." -- what a manipulative fuck.

They have sex again, and eat dinner. Once dinner is over, Christian tells her he wants her in his playroom in 15 minutes for MORE SEX. Kneeling in just her underwear, Ana contemplates Christian.

"The man is insatiable, or maybe all men are like him. I have no idea, no one to compare him to. Closing my eyes, I try to calm myself down, to connect with my inner sub. She's there somewhere, hiding behind my inner goddess." -- We're up to four separate entities now, in case anyone was keeping track.

Christian walks in, and Ana's many personalities are excited.

"He's naked except for those soft ripped jeans, top button casually undone. Jeez, he looks so freaking hot. My subconscious is frantically fanning herself, and my inner goddess is swaying and writhing to some primal carnal rhythm." -- What about your inner sub?? How's she feeling? Inquiring minds want to know!

Christian walks to a chest and removes items from it. It takes all of her self control not to look, and soon he's standing in front of her.

"When he finishes what he's doing, he comes to stand in front of me. I can see his naked feet, and I want to kiss every inch of them . . . run my tongue over his instep, suck each of his toes. Holy shit." 

He tells Ana to stand and asks her to tell him what the safe words are - I guess they'll be important later. She's bizarrely offended at him asking.

"And I can't help it . . . I raise my eyebrow at him and am about to remind him of my GPA, but the sudden frosty glint in his icy gray eyes stops me in my tracks." -- Does ELJ even know what GPAs measure? Like.... this is the equivalent of being asked if you remembered to take the garbage out and responding with, "Please. I had a 4.0 GPA." No one cares about your GPA. It's a pretty useless statistic and I can't think of a situation where it is MORE useless than in the middle of sex. Christian isn't going to get off on descriptions of your transcripts. No one uses their first B as dirty talk. I hate you.

They have sex for the next 8 pages. Christian has tied her at the wrists and ankles to the bed, blindfolded her, and given her headphones through which loud "ancient hymnal" music is playing. She can neither see him, hear him, nor physically fight him off and I just don't think I'm at the stage in this relationship where I'm willing accept this level of trust. As you'd expect, Christian expertly tailors the carnal experience to the rise and fall of the music, and Ana's consciousness abandons her (no seriously, "As my consciousness returns from wherever it's been...."). 

Chapter 26

We begin this chapter with Ana waking up suddenly in the night.

"Something has woken me, some nagging thought. I glance over at the alarm clock on his bedside. It is five in the morning, but I feel rested. Why is that? Oh - it's the time difference - it would be eight a.m. in Georgia. Holy crap . . . I need to take my pill." -- You were in Georgia for like 3 days???????? Also what the fuck happened to the alarm on your phone that reminds you to take your pill? Was that just there so you could blush over having to discuss contraception with the guy you're fucking?

She hears music and wanders out into the "great room" to find Christian playing the piano. It's sad and he looks troubled. Ana walks over and sits on the piano stool with him. He wants to have sex (again), but she wants to talk. She brings up that she still hasn't signed the contract (this book literally has 18 pages left but whatever), and he tells her he thinks the contract is basically moot at this point. He wanted her to sign the contract before more happened, but now that it has, he just wants her to follow the rules on her own volition... and if she doesn't, he'll still smack her around. So. I'm not totally sure what exactly has changed, but okay.

"'And if I break one of the Rules?'

'Then I'll punish you.'

'But won't you need my permission?'

'Yes, I will.'

'And if I say no?'

He gazes at me for a moment, with a confused expression.

'If you say no, you'll say no. I'll have to find a way to persuade you.'" -- *screams from the rooftops NO DOES NOT MEAN PERSUADE MEEEEEEE*

She tells Christian she needs to read the rules again, so he goes and gets them for her. She is amused to be told that "the obedience thing still stands", and rolls her eyes at him. This is a problem because he's told her a few times now that when she does that, he wants to hit her. So she runs from him. She tries turning it into a game of cat and mouse, but it doesn't really work.

"'Anyone would think you didn't want me to catch you.'

'I don't. That's the point. I feel about punishment the way you feel about me touching you.'

His entire demeanor changes in a nanosecond. Gone is playful Christian, and he stands staring at me as if I've slapped him. He's ashen.

........

'You hate it that much?' he breathes, his eyes filled with horror.

'Well . . . no,' I reassure him. Jeez - that's how he feels about people touching him? 'No. I feel ambivalent about it. I don't like it, but I don't hate it.'" -- then you obviously don't feel the same way about punishment that he does about being touched. 

He tells her that he won't tell her why he wants to hurt her so much - there is a reason, but he's afraid she'd leave him if she knew. Not gonna lie, I feel like he'd have a better shot at keeping her if he just told her instead of actually hitting her on the next page, but hey, what do I know? Ana tells him she wants to know how bad the punishment can be and then they'll both find out whether she can handle it or not. He spends the next page beating her with a belt. Unsurprisingly, Ana is not pleased when the ordeal is over.

"'Don't touch me!' I hiss. I straighten and stare at him, and he's watching me as if I might bolt, eyes wide, bemused. I dash the tears angrily out of my eyes with the backs of my hands, glaring at him. 

'This is what you really like? Me, like this?' I use the sleeve of the bathrobe to wipe my nose.

He gazes at me warily.

'Well, you are one fucked-up son of a bitch.'" -- he's only been telling you that for like 500 pages but sure, we'll all pretend you figured it out on your own. 

She goes to her room and cries on her bed. Soon, she's joined by Christian. He asks her not to hate him, and she tells him she's fallen in love with him. He's horrified. He tells her it's wrong for her to love him, so she says she should go since there's no longer a reason for her to stay. She showers, gets dressed, packs her things, and leaves Christian the electronics he'd given her. Taylor tells her he'll get the car to take her home and she cries on the way there. Once home, she goes to her room and continues to cry.

"Grief. This is grief - and I've brought it on myself. Deep down, a nasty, unbidden thought comes from my inner goddess, her lips contorted in a snarl . . . the physical pain from the bite of a belt is nothing, nothing compared to this devastation. I curl up, desperately clutching the flat foil balloon and Taylor's handkerchief, and surrender myself to my grief."

Well, that was exhausting. The blog will continue with Fifty Shades Darker very soon.

Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 23 and 24

Chapter 23
I know, I know. I left you on an incredible cliffhanger when Christian surprised literally no one by violating Ana's wishes to get away from him for a few days and showed up in Georgia, but fear not! In this extra special instalment, you get TWO chapters for the price of one. Mostly because there are basically only three pages of actual plot in one chapter, the rest filled with lots of moaning and writhing and proclamations to deities. Aside from those three pages, my general reaction to the chapter as a whole is basically

But, as I mentioned, three pages of plot do exist, so here we go. 

General shock ensues when Christian approaches Ana - both because she can't believe the asshole is actually there, and also because her mother can't keep her eyes off of him. She's worried, mostly, because she went on a rant about Mrs. Robinson and thinks he might be angry, but thankfully, he can't beat her senseless in front of her mother. Well. He could. But he won't.

Ana's mother, Carla, invites Christian to stay for a drink, and he can't put his pretentiousness aside long enough to not make a mess of his drink order.

"'I'll have a gin and tonic,' Christian says. 'Hendricks if you have it, or Bombay Sapphire. Cucumber with the Hendricks, lime with the Bombay.'"

So, Christian sits and the tension is palpable. Ana is pretty sure Christian wants to beat the life out of her, so that's awkward. But also, her mother won't stop staring at Christian, making things more weird. Carla goes to the bathroom, and Christian tries to have a conversation with Ana that will take much longer than the average woman takes to pee. But obviously it's her fault. 

"'So, you're mad at me for having dinner with an old friend.' Christian turns his burning, wary gaze to me, lifting my hand to his lips and kissing each knuckle gently.

...........

'Anastasia, your mother will be back shortly. I'm not comfortable talking about this right now.'" -- who's fucking fault is that??

She doesn't want to talk about it. Seriously though, what's up with her neck?

Ana asks Christian if he loved Elena, and he doesn't answer. Instead, he says goodbye and retreats to his room. Ana's mom convinces her that she needs to go to his room and talk things out, which is adorable because no talking ever gets done in this relationship. She goes anyway, and as expected, we're "treated" to about 12 pages of uncomfortable, 'let me just yank your tampon out for you' sex. Afterwards, lying in bed and staring deeply and romantically into each others eyes, Christian tells Ana he's paid for sex. 

"'All submissives in training, when I was training. There are places in and around Seattle that one can go and practice. Learn to do what I do,' he says..

What?

'Oh.' I blink at him.

'Yep, I've paid for sex, Anastasia.'"

They go to sleep shortly after this. 

Chapter 24

I made a mistake because this chapter is 30 pages but I'm committed so here we go.

We join Ana mid-dream, and she's being fed strawberries by Christian. 

"Christian stands in a steel-barred cage. Wearing his soft, ripped jeans, his chest and feet are mouthwateringly naked (ew?), and he's staring at me. His private-joke smile is etched on his beautiful face and his eyes a molten gray."

She keeps reaching for the strawberry but it's always out of her reach. Christian wakes her up and she throws a small tantrum about how early it is. She says she was dreaming of him and recounts the details, to which he responds that Dr. Flynn, his therapist, would have a 'field day' with her. He tells her to get up and get dressed - no time to shower - and she is displeased. She gets up and asks again if she can shower.

"'Can't I have a shower?'

'If you have a shower, I'll want one with you, and you and I know what will happen - the day will just go. Come.'" -- I mean... are you totally incapable of acting on your baser instincts? You know you need to leave soon. Just let her close the door and shower for fuck sake.

Ana relents and goes on a hunt for her clothes. She finds them on a chair, along with a pair of Christian's underwear. She muses that it's one more thing she can add to her collection of material items that remind her of Christian, and her mind wanders.

"I shake my head at his largesse, and I frown as a scene from Tess crosses my mind: the strawberry scene. It evokes my dream. To hell with Dr. Flynn - Freud would have a field day - and then he'd probably die trying to deal with Fifty Shades." -- I get it... you nicknamed him Fifty Shades and your book about sex is called Fifty Shades. SYMBOLISM.

They leave Christian's hotel, and clamber into his shiny rental car. Christian turns on some music.

"'What's this?' I ask as the sweet, sweet sound of a hundred violin strings assails us. 

'It's from La Traviata. An opera by Verdi.'

Oh, my . . . it's lovely.

'La Traviata? I've heard of that. I can't think where. What does it mean?'

Christian glances at me and smirks.

'Well, literally, 'the woman led astray.' It's based on Alexandre Dumas's book, La Dame aux Camelias.'

'Ah. I've read it.'" -- No one believes you.

Ana goes on to wonder if Christian is trying to tell her something - which he is, because every decision he makes in regards to their relationship is calculated to ensure maximum manipulation - and comments that it's a depressing story. 

"'Too depressing? Do you want to choose some music? This is on my iPod.' Christian has that secret smile again.

I can't see his iPod anywhere. he taps the screen on the console between us, and behold - there is a playlist."

Modern technology is an amazing thing.

She settles on Toxic, by Britney Spears, which is somehow significant. Christian mentions he didn't put that song on his iPod, rather, his ex, Leila, did. Ana is flung into a whirlwind of curiosity and tries and fails to casually ask about Leila. Their relationship didn't work out because she wanted more, and Christian didn't. Ana presses on about the other women he's been with, and discovers that Christian has had four long-term relationships. She wants to know more.

"'So the other four, what happened?' I ask.

'One met someone else. The other three wanted - more. I wasn't in the market for more then.'

'And the others?' I press.

He glances at me briefly and just shakes his head. 

'Just didn't work out.'

Whoa, a bucketload of information to process." -- Yeah, I can see how "I've had relationships and they ended for various reasons" would just boggle your tiny little mind. So much information. Congratulations on having your head still attached to your body. 

They arrive at an airfield, and Christian tells her his plan to take her soaring. It's a small, two person plane, and Ana, Ana's subconscious, and Ana's inner goddess are all terrified. But eventually, they're in the air and Christian is piloting the plane with ease (obviously, he can do anything). They fly around for a while - Christian even lets Ana control the plane for a few life-endangering seconds - and soon they're back on the ground, having landed in the middle of a field. They get back in the car, and the alarm on Ana's phone goes off.

"'What's that?' Christian asks, curious, glancing at me. 

I fumble in my purse for the packet.

'Alarm for my pill,' I mutter as my cheeks flush." -- If you can't talk about birth control without blushing, you're not ready to have sex. 

They go to IHOP and continue to be disgusting.

"'I know what I want,' he breathes, his voice low and husky. (is it because of the cheesecake pancakes? it is, isn't it?)

I glance up at him, and he's staring at me in that way that tightens all the muscles in my belly and takes my breath away, his eyes dark and smoldering. Holy shit. I gaze at him, my blood singing in my veins, answering his call.

'I want what you want,' I whisper.

He inhales sharply. 

'Here?' he asks suggestively, raising an eyebrow at me, smiling wickedly, his teeth trapping the tip of his tongue. 

Oh my . . . sex in IHOP." -- PROTECT THE PANCAKES AT ALL COSTS

They order their food and eat, managing to hold it together long enough to not violate any health codes or defenceless pancakes, and leave. 

"Of course he doesn't ask me for my mother's address. He knows it already, stalker that he is. When he pulls up outside the house, I don't comment. What's the point?" 

She asks if Christian would like to come inside, but in order to keep up his pretence of being on a very important business meeting wow what a coincidence, he must decline.

"I ignore the unwelcome stab of disappointment. Why do I want to spend every single minute with this controlling sex god? Oh yes, I've fallen in love with him, and he can fly." -- what the actual fuck.

Ana goes inside, where her mother is busy preparing dinner (I guess I missed the part where they're having Christian over later? Also Ana just had breakfast? What time is it?), and Ana is worried because she's not a very good cook. She emails Christian and thanks him for taking her out before returning to see what her mother has planned.

"My mom has decided on gazpacho soup and a barbecue with steaks marinated in olive oil, garlic, and lemon. Christian likes meat, and it's simple to do. Bob has volunteered to man the BBQ grill. What is it about men and fire?" -- Didn't you just say your mom isn't a good cook? Also is Bob not allowed to help? Maybe he doesn't know how to make gazpacho??? Jesus, Ana.

Ana and her mother go to the grocery store and Ana gets a call from one of the interviews she did before she left. She's been offered a job - assistant to Mr. Jack Hyde - and she starts on Monday. She also notices she has a missed call from Christian. Anxious, she calls him back. A situation has come up back in Seattle, and he needs to fly back and will miss dinner.

"'I have a situation that I have to deal with. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll send Taylor to collect you from the airport if I can't come myself.' He sounds cold. Angry even. But for the first time, I don't immediately think it's me.

'Okay. I hope you sort out your situation. Have a safe flight.'

'You too, baby,' he breathes, and with those words, my Christian is back. Then he hangs up.

Oh no. The last "situation" he had was my virginity. Jeez, I hope it's nothing like that." -- LITERALLY HOW COULD IT BE ANYTHING EVEN KIND OF LIKE THAT?????? Also, if you immediately assume you've done something wrong every time your boyfriend is upset, it's time to get a new fucking boyfriend.

Ana emails Christian (again) to check that he got back to Seattle safe which leads to predictable and boring back and forth. She comments to herself that he is "Fifty shades of exasperating." - there's that symbolism again - and the chapter ends.